River’s Birth Story

Please be forewarned: this is excruciatingly long (12 pages!).

The short version: River was born 2 months early via c-section. She was 2 lbs, 8.5 oz, and was 14″ long.

She spent a month and a day in the NICU before coming home a month before her due date, just in time for Christmas. :)

The LOOOOONG Version:

update, November 2009

Well, this has definitely been a more exciting month than either I or the Wunderhusband anticipated!

1) I turned 30. Wunderhub turned 31.

2) Our first daughter was born 2 months ahead of her due date. Welcome to the world, Ms. River Alexandra! (birth story and pics to follow when I have the energy to finish writing down the birth story!)

3) I’m learning to appreciate the joys of pumping milk for our little one. There are days when I feel like a cow and then there are days when I wish I actually were a cow so I could get away with pumping twice a day instead of 6-8 times a day. :-P

4) Recovering from a C-Section is a far less linear process than I thought it would be. I have great days and awful days….e.g., I went without pain meds for 6 days, then over exerted myself and had to use them again tonight. Bummer.

5) Did I mention I’m a MOM???? How crazy and weirdly awesome is that?

6) Post-partum hormone fluctuations are nothing to sneeze at–I’m sort of in awe at their ability to affect how my entire day goes!

7) My mom is amazing and has provided us with food for the last 3 weeks. I can now say from first hand experience that prepared, healthy food is such a great way to minister to convalescing/swamped/stressed people!

More to come….

because I love you, River…

Yes, because I love you, little one, and I want to do everything possible to maximize your brain development during this 3rd trimester, I am cooking AND eating Omega 3 enhanced EGGS. Only for you.

I don’t think I’ve been able to eat an egg that I cooked for over 2 years. They tend to gross me out. I’ve discovered that if I overcook the eggs, then bury them in a sandwich of something yummy (blueberry pancakes, toaster waffles, etc), I can eat them without incident.

And yes, God, thank you for allowing me to live in a country with an absurd abundance of food so specialized that I can buy things like Omega 3-enhanced eggs. When my food aversions are at their ridiculous and absurd worst, I’m deeply humbled and reminded to be grateful for Your provision.

Can’t wait to meet you in person, River-girl!

miracle of life

Recently, now that I’m visibly pregnant, I’ve had lots of people ask me if I have enjoyed being pregnant. That’s such a complex question….

Pregnancy seems to be one of those things that some people long for with an almost unnerving passion….sort of like marriage. I’ve always maintained that being in a healthy marriage is overall no happier, better, or more fulfilling than being a healthy single person. It’s sometimes easier to cultivate a healthy lifestyle when married…but that’s a whole other post. It annoys me to no end when my single friends assume that my life is perfect, fulfilled, and better than theirs, simply because I’m married and they’re not.

Pregnancy seems to be one of those other stages of life that some people long for and assume that those who are able to experience are somehow more fulfilled or happier. Yes, being pregnant is an interesting, life-changing experience. But at this point (and maybe actually giving birth will change my mind), I don’t see that my life is significantly better, more fulfilled, or happier because of this experience. It’s just different.

I mentioned this to the Wunderhusband, and he said, “But you have the MIRACLE OF LIFE growing inside of you!”

“But EVERY child is miraculous,” was my response. I don’t need to be pregnant to better appreciate how miraculous it is for a child to be born. Every time I see a friend’s child, or even a passing infant, my heart leaps at how extraordinary it is to see a brand new human.  When I adopt a child, I expect that I will feel the same wonder and astonishment. Children are simply extraordinary, whether or not they’re biologically connected to me.  That’s why a healthy adult’s response to seeing a child is a desire to nurture and protect that child.

And that’s why I think that longing for pregnancy rather than parenthood is like being hungry and reaching for a bowl of aspartame rather than a bowl of food. Or like longing for love and settling for a one-night-stand. Pregnancy is simply one means to parenthood (adoption is another awesome way)….And it seems that a person’s longing to be a parent and raise a child can be mistaken for a desire to simply reproduce.

I don’t want to sound ungrateful for the experience….feeling River kick and roll inside of me is pretty darn cool. And knowing that I get to raise this child with the man I love most in the world is also awesome. But mostly, being pregnant has given me some profound spiritual insights to ponder (nice!), and lots of physical discomfort (NOT nice).  I think that I will enjoy being a parent….but have I enjoyed being pregnant? Well, let me put it this way: I’ve had a textbook, boring, healthy pregnancy, and I can’t imagine ever wanting to repeat this experience and definitely don’t plan to.  Since we (think we) want at least 2-3 more children, we look forward to adopting the rest.  :)

Why he’s known as the “wunderhusband”

So, I’m officially in the THIRD trimester. Good times. It’s a bit scary to think that the little one is going to TRIPLE in size between now and her birthday (Lord willing), but we definitely want a healthy baby. I have no clue how my tummy will accommodate a tripling in size in 3 months, but apparently it’s been done before. ;)

Anyway, on to the title anecdote of this post: the wunderhub and I were sitting on the couch and he reached over and started massaging my upper arm. He stopped and looked carefully at it, exclaiming: “What happened to your arm?!? It’s all skinny!”

Guess my 4 months of lifting mini barbells hasn’t been completely without results. Needless to say, his comment made my week. I told him that that was the nicest thing he could have said, and he responded with: “Oh that’s good….but please don’t ever say it to me!” : )

September Update

Despite the triple digit temps (it was 111 degrees Fahrenheit yesterday), the last 2 weeks have been my highest-energy weeks thus far in the pregnancy. It’s been so awesome to be able to run errands after work again or to come home and cook dinner or do housework. I also have a renewed sense of gratitude for my health and basic abilities (like being able to see, walk, hear, eat normally, etc). I’m still far from 100% capacity, though: as my body changes, I’ve noticed some weird limitations:

1) Lifting anything over 15 lbs is actually painful (my stomach starts cramping and my lower back complains)….I think it must have something to do with my core muscles being totally displaced by the kidlet. Not to mention, I wasn’t anything near athletic when I got pregnant! :-P

2) My feet ache almost unbearably if I a) spend too much time on them, b) don’t wear my comfy, supportive shoes (walking or standing barefoot is torturous), or c) eat too much salt (aka, ANYthing salty).  I’ve also noticed that when my feet ache their worst,  I tend to get random nosebleeds.

3) I can STILL participate in my twice-weekly BATs (BunsAbsThighs) class, though I don’t do any jumping exercises and have to modify some of the ab work. I’ve even pumped up my hand weights to the 5 lb dumbells (from the 3 lb ones).

4) I’m still horribly sensitive to smells (all), but not nearly so sensitive as I was 2 months ago.

5) I look amazingly awful in photos–I like how I look in person, and enjoy my pregnant silhouette in fitted clothing. However, I do NOT enjoy what the wunderhub gleefully calls my “pregnant face” (aka, what I call my “fat face”). Let’s just say that my face is definitely, umm, more filled out during this time period. :) Thankfully, the wunderhub thinks it’s one of the best things about this pregnancy (Can I just say how much I ADORE the whole love-induced blindness phenomenon?).

6) Pregnancy forces me to live more consciously and in a more “day-to-day” mode, rather than in fast forward. It’s been a huge blessing to have to learn to appreciate and listen to my body and to pay more attention to my emotional state. It’s life-changing to look down, see a protruding tummy, and not feel a surge of hatred and loathing for not being the ideal shape. Instead, I’m just grateful that I can brush my teeth without throwing up! :) It’s also humbling to have a to-do list that gets scrapped b/c I need to go to bed 4 hours earlier than I expected.

And my whole attitude toward food has been transformed–skipping meals “to save time” (lame!) and functioning at a lower productivity level is just not an option when my physical resources are already taxed with the production of another human. I can’t eat fast food or most restaurant food (too salty): so in order to be at my most productive, I have to take the time to prepare or purchase healthy, appropriate food choices AND take the time to sit and eat them. I can’t wolf something down in a few minutes b/c I’ll get awful heartburn. So now, I get up a little earlier to sit and eat a quiet breakfast (instead of gulping something down in the car).  I pack my lunch the night before (or don’t, and regret it the next day!!) :-P These are all things I should have been doing more frequently anyway…so it’s nice to have the impetus to make them more habitual.

Other random updates:

1) I’ve gained 14 lbs. Bummer–that’s what I hoped to gain over the entire pregnancy. Obviously, not gonna happen. However, I have high hopes for staying below a 25 lb total gain. Also, I know I’m in better shape now than I was pre-pregnancy, and my legs have a lot more muscle (and probably more insulation :-P) than I did pre-pregnancy, so I’m excited about continuing and augmenting  my regular exercise routine post-pregnancy.

2) I’ve learned that it’s OK to NOT do other things in order to exercise. This was a ridiculously difficult concept for me at first, and thanks to my friend Kourtney and my other BATs buddies, I’ve realized that it’s OK and very necessary to prioritize and block out the TIME required for exercise, even if that means saying “no” to other opportunities.

3) I’ve decided on a hospital birth. Unfortunately, it was too stressful and expensive to do a midwife attended home or birthing center experience, given my geographical location. I’ve happily come to terms with making my hospital experience as positive as possible and my anxiety level about the birth has measurably decreased, which tells me that I’ve chosen the right path for me at this point in my life and for the resources I’ve been blessed with.

Part of what deepened my appreciate for the opportunity for a hospital birth was reading Inventing Motherhood by Ann Dally, a fairly die-hard, 1980’s feminist. She had all of her children via homebirth, not b/c it was the medically best choice but b/c she refused to subject herself to what she saw as the “paternalistic, domineering” male doctors and male-oriented health system. Then she did a TON of historical research on the birthing experience for women, starting with the first records of labor & delivery and moving up to stats from the 1980’s (the book is a bit dated as it was first published in 1987). She noted that “nature” is often cruel and harsh and that when things are “left to nature”, they frequently end in the same way. Women’s bodies *are* made to bear children, but that doesn’t lessen the trauma of birth or its risks to women. She noted that birth as a routine, non-life-threatening event for the woman is an astonishingly modern concept, brought on mostly by advances in medicine, technology and quality of life. Naturally, advances in medicine have brought several down sides (impersonal care, over-agressive surgeries, over-medication, etc), but her riveting stats and anecdotes of birth experiences from even just a few generations ago impressed on me how ridiculously lucky I am to be giving birth in this time period and in a first world country!

4) My birth preparation includes doing a Hypnobabies home study course (for relaxation and pain-management techniques) and writing out my birth preferences. Who knows what will actually happen during the birth–hopefully nothing more exciting than a totally uncomplicated emergence of our new daughter–so, I’m not writing an entire plan.

I find the idea of planning my first birthing experience rather counter-intutive b/c there are so many variables and unknowns that are impossible to know how I’ll react to.  So, my preferences are frequently conceptual and occasionally specific (for example: Conceptually, I’d prefer not to have an epidural, but I’m not going to say that I won’t get one….how would I know? I’ve never experienced labor, so how can I possibly know if I’ll actually want or need one? One the specific side, I know that I hate bright lights now, and will probably always hate them, so I’m asking for my room lights to be dimmed).

Hypnobabies is intriguing–I find their philosophy extremely humanistic and centered on the self (sometimes good, sometimes bad)  and am finding many of their adjurations to be annoyingly incompatible with my own spiritual beliefs. Consequently, some of their concepts seem very silly and infantile or just plain dumb (e.g., “your unconscious mind is always working for your good and knows what is best for you”). However, I love their relaxation techniques and verbal cues for deepening a calm state, so I’m continuing with the course.

Whew–sorry about how “journal entry-ish” this is… Thanks for suffering through, if you made it this far. ;-)

things that give me terrible headaches now that I’m pregnant

And I’m talking B A D, 24-48 hour headaches that are barely dulled by Tylenol and ONLY if I catch them very quickly.

Weird things:

1) Taco Bell (any item)

2) Costco’s Spinach & Mozzarella Ravioli w/ cheese & herb topping

3) Anything that tastes unusually salty (e.g., I sampled some potato salad and a mini “parmesan pup” @ Trader Joe’s and felt the slightest inkling of a headache for a few minutes).

None of these items are particularly healthy, so I suppose I should be grateful! :) I’m fairly sure the headaches are sodium related, as I’ve been extremely sensitive to salt during this entire pregnancy.

Good times. :-P

Update: Labor Day Weekend 2009 :)

Had one of those unusually productive weekends in which both I and the wunderhub had 1) energy, 2) time, and 3) the inclination to work on complimentary projects (!!!). I guess the stars aligned just right. :)

So, we got our entire main living area re-arranged to accommodate the baby dresser, bassinet, and other baby accoutrements that are bound to accumulate.

This involved moving nearly every piece of furniture in our living/dining areas, massive amounts of dusting and vacuuming, and donating an entire truck-bed of stuff from our storage area to make room for our dining table leaf and chairs. (We turned out 6-person table into a 2 person one).

Then, we purchased and installed blackout curtains in our bedroom so that the Wunderhub can sleep during the day when he has to work night shifts.

I also completely disassembled, washed, and reassembled our beautiful, inherited baby bassinet. Given my distinct lack of spacial awareness, this was a definite challenge. :-P

We think baby River approves–she did lots of kicking and sleeping yesterday.

Matthew 15:22-28 (for Ryan!)

Hi Ry!

Thanks for posing an interesting question on Matthew 15:22-28 via FB. I’ll try to answer as many of your questions as possible. The perspective I’m using is textual interpretation with incorporation of  some historical background.

Background:
Jesus’s incarnation on earth is to fulfill multiple Messianic prophecies given to the Jews—there are all sorts of prophecies of someone who was going to come and “finally” and ultimately save the nation of Israel. So, in a historical sense, Jesus *did* come for the Jews. Israel is also referred to multiple times as God’s “chosen nation”. However, by “chosen,” I don’t mean “chosen for exclusive redemption.” The idea was that God would work through this tiny, weak, enslaved nation, bring them to a place of prosperity and power (as a theocracy), and thus draw other nations and people to wonder how they were able to accomplish so much. This curiosity, coupled with Israel’s unusual political structure (theocracy) would lead other nations to explore Israel’s beliefs and religious practices. Then, if they wanted to, those people could convert to Judaism.

So, Israel was always meant to be a sort of “city on a hill,” displaying God’s love for mankind and the way to know God. Obviously, this didn’t work out very well, as Israel repeatedly rejected God’s leadership, etc.

Matthew 15:22-28, line by line.
I think this vignette that you read underscores God’s adaptation of his original plan for the redemption of humanity. Jesus came to Israel (his “children”) in clear fulfillment of hundreds of years of prophecy of a Jewish messiah (there are lots of books that go into great detail on the prophecies he fulfilled, if you’re interested). However, Israel’s religious leaders and *many* of its ordinary people rejected Jesus’s claims to be the Messiah (rejected the “bread” Jesus was offering to his “children”). So, the original plan for Israel to be the shining example of how to have a relationship with God was not going to work.

Ironically, people who weren’t even Jews (e.g., the “Caananite woman”) recognized Jesus for the Messiah that we was (“Have mercy on me Lord, Son of David” a clear reference to a messianic prophecy), and instead of rejecting him, begged to know him and begged for the healing that he offered.

Jesus’s Jewish disciples were annoyed by the woman and saw no need to help her (“Send her away, because she keeps shouting at us”), illustrating your initial interpretation that Jesus came only for the Jews. Jesus plays into their inaccurate beliefs by telling her “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel” (and at this point, all of Israel is lost).

Instead of countering his claim, the woman simply acknowledges who Jesus is again “Lord, help me” (implying that she knows that as the Messiah, he is the only one who can cast the demons out of her daughter).

Jesus continues playing into his disciples’ mistaken beliefs by saying “It is not good to take the children’s bread and throw it to the dogs,” (i.e., reiterating, “I was sent to be Israel’s Messiah”).

The woman counters by saying, “Even the dogs feed on the crumbs which fall from the master’s table,” (i.e., “Even though I’m not part of the “chosen people”, I recognize what you’re offering and I believe that you can save my daughter”).

Having illustrated that this woman is far more open to accepting him as Messiah, even though she’s not even a Jew, Jesus illustrates that anyone who believes in his power and in who he is can be healed: “Your faith is great; it shall be done for as you wish. And her daughter was healed at once.” Thus, illustrating that since the original plan to save Israel and have them go out as ambassadors and share their relationship with God with the other nations did NOT work, Jesus has now come directly for all people and all nations to have access to him.

This idea of redemption for all humanity is further underscored by Pentecost (Acts, chapter 2), when the Jewish disciples begin proclaiming the Gospel in the languages of the surrounding (non-Jewish) nations. It is also emphasized in almost all of the Apostle Paul’s letters to the various churches he started (and he started out as a Jewish religious leader).

So, to answer your question: anyone who doesn’t know God is a “lost sheep” and can be saved. 

Sorry for such a LONG response….but these little vignettes and parables in the Gospels have a LOT packed into them!

If anyone else has thoughts on this interpretation, let me know! I’m sure I missed a ton of stuff….

5 (five)

Yesterday, August 29, the Wunderhub and I got to celebrate our FIFTH wedding anniversary(!!!!!).

We chose to celebrate at The Napa Rose, also our dinner venue of choice on our wedding night. The food was amazing this time around (as it was 5 years ago), and our waiter (Steve) was congenial, funny, and helpful.

The day was relaxed and unhurried–the Wunderhub just had PRK done on his eyes (same thing I got done 18 months ago), so we mostly just hung out at home, chatted, and read.

We also got to visit with Ashley Nick and her kiddos on our way to dinner–good times!

This is an intriguing anniversary–5 years sounds like such a very long time…yet it feels like less than 2 years. However, when we think about our marriage 5 years ago versus now, we see significant, positive changes in each other and how we relate to one another. This is also (Lord-willing and all goes well) our final anniversary as a family of 2 adults and a dog…as our 6th anniversary should include our new arrival to our family!

Who knows what year #6 will hold for us–life with the Wunderhusband is always an adventure, and it will only get more exciting with a child in the mix. :)

We’re so blessed to have had this much time together–though I have to admit, the more time I have with the Wunderhusband, the more time I hope we have….I truly can’t imagine life without his strong, capable, intensely loving presence. And his ability to make me laugh so hard that I pee my pants.  Our marriage is a demonstration of  God’s mercy and extravagant generousity: neither of us has done anything to deserve such over-the-top blessings…and yet here we are. Thanks be to God!

books books books

Friday was fabulously productive–I went to the Riverside Public Library for the first time and discovered that my card there will also allow me to check out materials from UC Riverside, just down the street–ummm, can you say FLIPPIN’ AWESOME??? : ) I also ran a few errands, then my energy totally ran out and I went to sleep.

I also discovered that I have a mild UTI (not drinking enough fluids….ergh), so I’ve been downing antibiotics and lots of fluids.

Saturday was a “resting” day, aka, book gluttony day. I read The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by La Leche League. Some cool info, but it could have been 15 pages long rather than over 200. I also read Protecting the Gift by Gavin de Becker–I really like what he has to say about child safety. I have a tendency to worry and be horribly over-protective, and I’m trying to re-program how I think to be more proactive and perceptive rather than paranoid and fearful. I highly recommend de Becker’s book to anyone interested in child safety. He substantiates his claims with common sense observations, anecdotes, and crime stats, and focuses on helping people do what they can rather than worry about things they can’t control.

I also chowed down on 2 Dean Koontz books: False Memory and Hideaway. Dean Koontz is my written equivalent of chocolate. :) LOVE him. The wunderhub spent the day reading in preparation for a class he’ll be teaching in the Fall, so it was a nice, companionable day.

And as a completely unrelated aside: I have been enjoying an awesome summer snack–sliced strawberries topped generously w/ Trader Joe’s 2% plain greek yogurt (yeay for live cultures!)  and a sprinkling of brown sugar. OMG….addictively delicious.

Have a beautiful Sunday!

July/August Update

River Thoughts:

I’m amazed at how frequently I think of baby River–I can barely feel her move (and only when I’m lying in certain positions), yet I think about her and her arrival for what seems like most of my waking hours. I feel much more attached to her–this was definitely helped by “meeting” her via ultrasound. She’s SO cute, with a an adorable little upturned nose and tiny hands and feet.  She kept squirming away from the u/s probe, since the tech was pressing on her to get her to change positions. It’s probably mean, but I thought her little squirms were totally cute (even though she probably thought we were tormenting her). What finally got her to change positions was for me to get up, use the bathroom, and then jump up and down a couple of times.

I’ve been playing lots of jazz & blues as well as various “relaxing classics” for her since she has ears now. The Wunderhub makes sure that he talks to her as often as possible, too.

The Birthday

I’m looking into various birthing centers and midwife services in this area. I met with one midwife  and she was nice, but I HATE how far her center is (30 miles, one way). I’m checking out another one that’s only 7 miles away. Hopefully, we’ll click.  I’m totally low risk and healthy, so hopefully I’ll be able to have a non-hospital birth. Naturally, if I need a C-section, or end up with complications, etc., I’ll head over to a hospital. I just don’t see a need to be at one so long as everything stays low risk. I’m especially excited about having a waterbirith, if possible. We’ll see what ends up happening! :-P

Energy

My energy is returning very slowly, in fits and starts. Tuesday, I was exhausted and barely made it through work and my aerobics class. I arrived home with a raging headache and went straight to bed. Today (Thursday), I had an 11 hour workday, went to aerobics class, went to Costco & OfficeDepot, and then came home and made a double batch of broccoli cheddar soup, chopped up 3 cucumbers to use later, and did laundry. So yeah–it’s awesome to have energetic days, but not every day is filled with energy. :-)

Books

I’m reading TONS of Dean Koontz books, thanks to a co-worker who is a fellow-fan of his writing. I’m also reading other random fiction, as well as starting a biography of Iris Origo (recommended by my mom).

Dancing

The Wunderhub and I are dancing more frequently–I love it, and am looking forward to having more energy so that I can dance a little more. It feels like my newly expanded circulatory system and blood volume are finally regaining some semblance of equilibrium, as my cardio endurance is a bit better than it was a month ago.

Company

It’s so awesome to know 5 other pregnant ladies around my age–it really makes me feel supported and in good company. It’s crazy to be pregnant–it’s not something I ever really craved or wanted, but I feel exceptionally blessed to have the experience.  Still, it’s definitely not an experience I feel any need to repeat. EVER. Thank God for the adoption option (we don’t want River to be an only)! :) I’m so grateful that my parents adopted my 3 brothers–I have absolutely no fear of adoption b/c it’s  such a natural thing in my family… and I know that my lack of fear is only b/c adoption has always been a positive part of my life.

More to come (yes, I’m sure you’re absolutely riveted by the pregnant lady’s ravings…) :-P

equilibrium…for now

I’ve reached a sort of equilibrium for now, regarding my feelings toward parenting. Mostly, I’m just reading and researching and talking to parents and trying to absorb as much as possible.

I have so many ideas for what I’d love to do as a parent–live in different areas of the USA, live in different countries, cultivate an active lifestyle, possibly home school, introduce my child to the love of reading. Oh! and then there’s music, dance, food and cooking. And of course there’s church, spirituality, and– God-willing– a relationship with Christ. Oh…and critical thinking & problem solving, creative expression…I can’t wait to see all the new things I learn while introducing new concepts to our little one.

It’s nice to have shifted, for now, to a more positive, creative focus.

Had an odd experience this week. I recently had my first doc. appt, and naturally, she ordered a battery of blood/urine tests. 3 days ago, a person from the blood lab called me and left a cryptic message on our answering machine requesting that I call her back. When I did, she didn’t recognize my name or remember why she’d called me. Ummm…WEIRD. And mildly disturbing lack of organization. Hopefully this is not indicative of the hospital’s entire organizational structure.

gratitude challenge

Yesterday, I worked a fairly chaotic, difficult ten hour day, then worked out at a high-intensity aerobics class for 1 hour, then went to Trader Joe’s to pick up food for tomorrow’s training session, then came home, showered, folded some laundry, and read a Dean Koontz book. I fell asleep at 9:35 PM.

Then, I woke up at 1:45 AM, fully awake and unable to sleep. I tried to simply lay down calmly for an hour, to no avail. I got up and mopped my entire kitchen/dining/living area. Still wide awake. I was upset, angry, and annoyed because I have another 10-12 hour workday tomorrow, and I need all the sleep and energy I can get at this point.  I’m an admitted night owl and normally love being up at this time…just not when I know that it means I’ll be drained, barely able to keep my eyes open, and struggling to be productive tomorrow.

But being up and about showed me several challenging things about myself: 1) my productivity level is woefully low. A more virtuous, organized person would have picked up a sewing or embroidery project, read, written something productive, meditated, prayed, read the Bible, or done more cleaning with this precious time and energy. What did I do? I mopped my floors and hopped online to catch up on blog reading. Not the best use of my time. Quite lame, in fact. I’ll take this as a challenge to cultivate meaningful productivity that will allow me to make the best use of times like this, rather than seeing them as a frustration.

2) I feel oddly conflicted about the thought of being  a parent…mostly, I just don’t feel ready. No, it’s not that I’m not ready to “give up” the freedom that comes with being childless…I’ve been ready to give that up for some time now. It’s more that I feel horrendously unprepared to be the parent that I should be. It’s so….challenging to know that I will inevitably, at some point, fail to parent well. I HATE failing. I usually do everything possible not to fail. But life and parenting aren’t about avoiding failure…they’re about showing God’s love to my sphere of influence in the best way that I can. Why is that so hard to grasp? Shouldn’t that be a joyful realization? Why this conflicted, messy feeling?

3) I have to say that I’m not sure how to process pregnancy and marriage together. What does this pregnancy mean for my marriage? How will it change us? How do we make sure that this pregnancy brings us closer rather than driving us apart? After all, for the duration of the pregnancy, all the weird changes and drama are happening to me, not him. Even when you’re married, it can still be tough to empathize with your partner’s circumstances when there’s no way you’ll ever be him/her or experience what s/he does. I don’t want to expect too much of my partner, but at the same time, how do we purposefully grow together in this?

4) My awareness that pregnancy can end in tragedy and loss at any time is constant. Intellectually, I know that’s just a fact of life–one could say the same thing about marriage, parenting, friendship, etc. Life and love always hold the risk of that ripping, tearing, horrifying loss that comes with death. Normally, I’m fine with this awareness….but with this pregnancy, it’s really making it hard for me to embrace the experience fully. In fact, I’m not embracing the experience fully. I’d like to, but I’m not sure what a healthy embrace of (vs. obsession with) this experience looks like.

Yeah, lots of food for thought and prayer.

Grace and peace to you.

craving the extraordinary

I’ve been thinking about my college experience recently. It was one of the most positive, life-changing, eye-opening, painful, beautiful experiences I’ve yet to have. I was pondering what a great time of life it was and reflecting on how I am definitely past that phase. No going back. Even better things to come.

A few nights ago, I dreamed that I went back to Biola University as a freshman. As present-day me.

And it was oh so ummm, well…off. And wrong.

I was back in Hart Hall, with 2 roommates and a new lounge (painted a really gorgeous sage green). My boyfriend from that time met me in my room (sooo not allowed in real life), and we were chatting. And then I said to him: “I’m so glad I didn’t marry you” (don’t you love dreams?) while thinking to myself “You’re so much more pompous than I remember you being”.

All sorts of other surreal, dream like things occurred, but the main thread of the dream was that I simply didn’t belong back there and that trying to regress even to a wonderful past phase of life is still unhealthy and won’t bring happiness.

Thanks for that reminder God. Now what am I to do with that?

On another note: I’ve realized that I am desperately craving close, regular contact with creative, motivated learners. I hate that as a grown up and part of a married couple, my default social activities with the Wunderhub and other couples seem to be limited to eating out, playing video games, and watching movies.

Don’t get me wrong: I adore our friends and am thrilled with any little chunk of time we can carve out of life’s craziness to spend together. I love the conversations that occur over a lovely meal that we’ve prepared with a friend in their home or ours.

[Side note:  As ancient as this makes me sound, I love playing board games that stimulate competition and great conversations.]

Aaaaaand…I realize that creative activities for a group take thought, advance planning, and mental effort. And often, we all just want to relax together and simply enjoy one another’s presence, usually on very short notice.

It’s also tough to sync up activities that males and females both enjoy.

And it’s my bad for not taking the initiative to be more creative and offer alternative activites. I’m definitely guilty of taking the easy way out and proposing the old stand-by activities.

I guess Ghandi’s admonishment to “be the change you wish to see in the world” applies here in spades. :)

So, here’s to all the fun and crazy mistakes I know I’ll make in this endeavor, and here’s hoping that my energy and creativity levels can sustain it! :)

“I love you, blogs and tea”

I was utterly charmed by this acrylic print from MadeByGirl. Sometimes it’s the simplest statements that strike a chord. :)

2 of my absolute most favorite things...EVER :)

8 Quick Takes-Easter Edition

Since I can’t get a coherent post together, here’s a quick update:

1) Awesome news: wunderhub got time off for our Europe-or-Road-trip-across-the-USA summer extravaganza. Yeah, we’re still deciding which it’s gonna be.

2) Attended a service for the stations of the cross. It was interesting, and a good thing to do. I was inordinately distracted by the patronizing, heavy-handed tone of the “helpful” guide we used to conduct the service, though. That’s more a reflection of my own easily distracted self rather than any real flaw in the book.

3) I’ve been pondering freedom and spirituality…playing with the idea that if following God feels like a burden, I’m probably not doing it right.

Also playing with the idea that God probably doesn’t care much about *what* I do in life or in my career and won’t provide guidance on it because it’s my choice that He has given me. What He really cares about is simply being close to me. That sort of makes sense in the same way that I can tell the Wunderhub that he should pick whatever career makes him happy, so long as it doesn’t separate us or harm our marriage.

Maybe it’s a very American way of approaching God to ask him to tell me what my next and best career/life move is?

4) Had a lovely, impromptu visit with the Nick family in the church parking lot last night. :) Good times.

5) Someone gave me FIVE POUNDS of super-top-quality, 70% cacoa chocolate. Can’t wait to make several awesome recipes with it!

6) Can’t eat eggs or egg whites anymore unless they’re very hidden in a dish. Baked double-chocolate-mini-bundt-cakes, and when breaking one open, came across a sinuous piece of protein from the egg whites I’d used and it totally grossed me out. Last week, tried to eat scrambled eggs (perfectly done) and they smelled so strong and so BAD that I choked. ::rolls eyes::

7) Am thrilled to to know that I’m not the only one who writes to-do lists AFTER I’ve accomplished the items on them! :)

8) CANNOT WAIT TO SEE NICK when he visits in May (from Cambodia). Sad that’s it’s only for 2 weeks.

hope, not fear

Have you ever had so many thoughts swirling through your head that it was too overwhelming to put even one of them in writing? Well, that’s been my feeling lately. So here are a few quick takes:

1) I believe that we are called to love, and love drives out fear, which promotes hope which precludes despair. “and the light shined in the darkness, and the darkness could not comprehend it…”

2) I’m struggling with the responsibility that results from knowledge. If I know of 50 awful, human-rights violating situations because I read 50 separate news stories that detailed them, what am I supposed to do with that knowledge? Pray? Try to help in a physically tangible way? How often do I pray?

3) the Wunderhub has filled our backyard with Spring flowers, my sweetpeas are about to bloom, and we’re about to get a breath-takingly dark purple bougainvillea vine to climb our patio trellis. :-D

4) Daylight savings has been kicking my butt.

5) My job, while still enjoyable, is becoming rather stressful. I keep telling myself that it’s a good chance to practice cultivating joy and peace in the midst of chaos and stress. Yeah. ::sigh::

6) I read a thought provoking article on the hipster subculture and its devastating effects on Western culture. Check it out–you won’t be disappointed.

7) I feel like I miss something, a sort of melancholy wistfulness. but I don’t know what it is.

Jury duty update

February was a crazy month! I ended up on a month long trial, serving as a juror. I’ve always been intrigued by our court system in this country and luckily, this time was a great time for me to serve. My job paid for (most) of the jury service, and I was not in school. So, the service was minimally disruptive. A few thoughts on jury services:

1) I wish real life were more like jury deliberations. The people on my jury were amazing: we were an extremely diverse group, yet people were able to listen to each other’s arguments and actually change their minds on issues(!!) when the argument made sense. Some people even worked through some pretty severe biases/emotional issues to move to a more logical point of view. A beautiful thing.

2) I ended up being the official foreperson. Now, this is a thankless job that involves lots of paperwork and mediation and for some reason absolutely no one wanted it. The first thing you do when you enter the deliberation phase of a trial is elect a foreperson. No one volunteered, so to prime the pump and get others to feel comfortable with offering to serve, I said “If no one else has a burning desire to serve, I’m happy to do so”, and about .5 seconds later, I was the elected foreperson. I have to thank one of my fellow jurors for evening planting the idea in my head: she told me she thought I’d be a good foreperson, and I practically fell out of my seat laughing. But it put the idea there. Thanks, E!

3) Being elected foreperson was, as most leadership experiences are, deeply humbling and thought provoking. I have to say that even though I’m married, almost 30, have a Master’s degree, and have deliberately changed by personal style of dress/hair to be more sophisticated, I’m not used to other people treating me like a “real” grown up. I was the second youngest person on this jury (but several other people were very close in age to me), and I was flabbergasted that they would so readily give me this position.

4) Thankfully for me and fortunately for everyone else, I had an unofficial co-foreperson who was about 2 million times better at my job than I was. Thank God, I saw this and relied heavily on (and learned a lot from) his negotiating and management skills. He was truly gifted and the main reason for our success.Thanks, G!

5) Also thankfully, everyone on the jury was extraordinarily supportive and conscientious.

7) I was able to ask my dear friend, Tamster what her jury foreperson did (she was on a 9 month long trial!) to make the deliberation process smoother. I presented the ideas as an “experiment” and everyone loved them so much that they started asking to repeat the new process with each count that we decided on!

6) It was still a ridiculously stressful process. Being locked in a room with 11 other people deciding the fate of others is quite traumatic, even the law and judge’s instructions as a guide.

7) Funny/embarrassing story: our judge was astoundingly smart and quick. On the last day, as we delivered our verdicts, she directed all her questions to me, as the foreperson. I was extremely nervous and she asked me something that I didn’t quite understand. After giving me about 1 second to think, she inquired calmly and sympathetically, “Am I confusing you, Ms. Mircat?” (naturally she used my last name). I felt like saying, “No, my brain just doesn’t work as quickly as yours does, especially when I’m nervous!” :)

South Beach, phase 1 update

My SB Phase 1 attempt unfortunately coincided with intense physical and mental fatigue, stress, and busyness. So, I gave myself permission to not continue with Phase 1 until I regain some equilibrium. One thing that I realized is that I allow myself to absorb far too much stress, anxiety, and frantic energy from stressed out people around me. This has lead to daily, throbbing tension headaches, exhaustion, lack of creativity, and short temperedness with loved ones. So, I am making it a point to respond to stress and panic in others with calm, humble optimism, refusing to allow myself to get pulled into the vortex of panic while still humbly (not smugly!) offering cheerful support.

I will resume blogging SB phase 1 experiences, tips, and menus when I feel ready to continue or have made enough modifications to successfully complete a 30 day experiment with it. :)

expansion

Have you ever had one of those deliciously overwhelming learning experience that opened up so many new pathways and ideas that you couldn’t keep track of them all? I love that feeling…a wonderfully decadent abundance of creative energy.

Those types of experiences have seemed very few and far between lately, but I was delighted and deeply humbled to have one this week. I took a class on Final Cut Pro, a video editing program. Yeah, I know, that doesn’t sound all that exciting. But the combination of getting to work with an artistic, preternaturally gifted teacher and the fact that FCP is an *amazing* program that seems to be limited only by its user’s capabilities has left me feeling mentally breathless. (And can I just say how AWESOME it is to work with someone who has defined, clearly articulated artistic principles? I so appreciate when people think through why they believe something, act on that belief, and then articulate that belief clearly to others. Yeah, our teacher totally rocks!).

May your long weekend be productive, rejuvenating, and bountifully creative!

Day 4/28

Sorry I’m a little late posting this….

Well, I didn’t simply fall off the no-refined-carbs bandwagon yesterday: I took an inelegant nosedive off. ::sigh::

Day 3/28

OK, today was the polar opposite of yesterday. Good grief.

Menu was virtually the same (Kefir, nuts, shrimp-edamame-avocado salad, nuts, turkey sausage, more shrimp salad, followed by 2 cups of steamed broccoli with some shredded cheddar). And there the similarities end.

Had a ridiculous energy slump at 3:30 PM (unlike yesterday). Caved and ate 90% of a freshly baked-from-scratch chocolate chip cookie. Boooooo! :(

Exercise:

Energy slump carried over to when I went to go work out. I was so tired (not sure why–I got 7 hrs of sleep last night) that I slept in my car for an hour in the gym parking lot. I still wanted to go home, but I made myself go in and did 30 mins of cardio on the elliptical (only burned 250 calories), then did some ab work on a stability ball, followed by some relaxing stretches. Focused on my breathing again, and listened to what my body wanted to do: my pace was a lot slower than yesterday, but still consistent.

Water:

Just finished my 64 ounces of water. YEAY ME! 2 days in a row! Oddly, the water consumption feels very natural with this meal plan. It’s still a very conscious effort to remember to drink so much water, but I don’t actually feel like it’s too much.

Oh, and just so you know, I’m aware that the whole “64 oz of water a day” thing was and never has been a health mandate (the original study noted that most adults get enough fluid through normal food and beverage consumption throughout the day, and that it ends up being around 64 oz of fluid). Still, I *know* that I drink far too little water, and I’m curious to see what tripling my normal consumption does for my health and how I feel.

Mantras:

Am slowly working 2 mantras into my thought processes. One is the diabetic mandate: “refined sugar is poison to me”…I have such an issue with overconsumption of refined sugar (I’m FAR too fond of it) that I’m trying to modify my thinking about it to be severely restrictive. I then hope to get to a more moderate place where I can have a cupcake now and then, but keep desserts to a minimal treat rather than a daily craving.

The other mantra is a work in progress. Now that I’m not in college, it’s a challenge to integrate exercise into my daily life. So, I tried to think of something enjoyable that I ALWAYS do on a daily basis, no matter what, and correlate that activity with exercise. The answer? Showering! :) I LOVE showers, and never skip them. E V E R. So, my second mantra is: “Exercise is like showering: you do it every day, and it makes you feel better.” Hey, I said it was a work in progress! :-P

Let’s see how tomorrow goes!

South Beach, Phase 1, Day 2

Had a lifetime “first” today: I drank 64 oz of water. : ) YEAY me. Each day is so different….some days it’s so easy to eat healthy food and exercise, then the very next day it’s the hardest thing in the world. Go figure. This variability has taught me to stay humble and focused, even during successful times.

Today is Day 2 of 28 in my South Beach Diet, Phase 1. Yesterday, I spent 3 hours (yes, HOURS) planning 2 weeks worth of low-meat, high protein, high fiber, low fat, almost no eggs, limited dairy, no refined carbs, virtually no fruit ::gasps for air:: meals. Then, since these meals aren’t easily or affordably available to buy, I spent another hour doing food prep (chopping veggies & mixing up a Shrimp-Avocado-Edamame Salad). I’ve identified that I MUST have a specific dinner plan or meal prepared for when I get home, otherwise, I gorge on refined carbs or graze WAY too many calories, or eat too many sweets.

So, today I ate my painstakingly planned, small meals every 2-3 hours and drank about 12 oz of water every time I ate. It worked out really well today…I wasn’t racing to the bathroom or feeling that horrible, sloshy sensation that occurs when I drink too much water in one sitting.

I have to admit, I’m pretty skeptical about the positive effects of drinking so much water….I mean, if I needed that much water, wouldn’t I be thirstier? But anyway, I *did* notice something interesting today that I think was related to my increased water consumption and to my high protein, etc. diet. 1) I had more sustained energy. Amazingly, I never “crashed” today, and I ALWAYS crash between 2-3 PM and am usually very tired around dinner time too. 2) While I was working out, I had amazing endurance. I did a 1 hour Yoga class and 30 minutes of sustained cardio workout (heartrate at 150, for a total of 350 calories burned on the elliptical machine), and I never felt sick, weak, or headachy. I also still have tons of energy at 10 PM.

One awesome side benefit of doing a yoga class before my cardio workout was that I was so focused on my breath and on the music I was listening to that I didn’t notice anything else….and because I wasn’t thinking about my discomfort, but just on how to keep my breathing even and consistent, I ended up setting an ideal, sustainable pace for myself which ultimately ended up being more effective than straining for a few minutes to maintain a really fast pace, then slowing down too much and losing (not “loosing”, people! Sorry, pet peeve) momentum. We’ll see how tomorrow goes. ::fingers crossed::

For anyone interested, today’s menu was:

8 AM–1/2 cup of lowfat kefir (tastes WAY better @ room temperature than it does cold!!)

10 AM, 1/4 cup Valdosta Pecan Mix (from Sahale)

Noon, 6 pieces of edamame-vegetable shu mai (Trader Joe’s freezer section)

2 PM, 1/2 cup (yeah, I cheated and ate some extra–should’ve been 1/4 cup) Dauphine Walnut Mix (from Sahale)

4 PM, 3 lowfat, turkey sausage links

7 PM, Shrimp-Avocado-Edamame salad (made with Trader Joe’s Soycutash blend instead of plain edamame).

It was a little high-fat for South Beach Phase 1, but I think that I got some high quality protein and nutrients from the wide variety of foods that I consumed.

planner plans 2009

I’ve been a huge fan of the Franklin Covey system since it positively and permanently changed my life in 2004. I had just started a new job and during the first 3 months of training, my bosses brought in a Franklin Covey consultant who gave us starter-planners and guided us through an all day seminar on not only how to use them, but why having a more structured way of documenting and accomplishing one’s goals is valuable.After all, committing to putting plans on paper is no small time pledge.

Soooo, long story short, I realized that even though I accomplished lots of things and could systematically reach many goals (finishing my degree, getting a new job, etc), when it came to my personal/social life, I was a mess. I had no way to prioritize my time and activities and consequently allowed my time and energy to be drained away by the first or most demanding person currently in front of me.

Franklin Covey helped me to put my spiritual and social values alongside my professional and educational goals (yeah, I know, they should have been integrated already), and legitimized their prioritization. Suddenly, I lived in a world where my needs for time in prayer, with family, alone, etc., were not only ON my “To-Do” list, but were actually high priority…even (gasp) prioritized over other people’s demands on my time. TOTAL life change.

Though I didn’t realize it at the time, this system freed me up from a lot of psychic weight. Before, I didn’t have a dependable way to remember something that needed to be done 6, 12, 18, or even 24 months in the future.  I can’t tell you how COOL it is to be able to write something down and forget about it, knowing that I will remember it when I need to.

Naturally, I’ve been on a hunt for the “perfect planner” ever since I started using one. My FC consultant flat-out told me that while FC has tons of products, a legal pad for each month, divided into sections for different priorities would work absolutely fine….it’s the principles of organization that are essential. Still, I really like having a dedicated, specially designed planner.

For years I used the original, “classic” planner pages….until I realized that there was too much in them that I didn’t use. I tried the “Design Your Own” pages for a couple of years and really liked them, but hated how much paper they used and how awful I felt if I didn’t use up each day’s space. (I detest tiny planners, so getting a tiny, compact one will never be an option).

In 2008, in an effort to “pare down” and avoid carrying 12 months of planner pages around all the time (I got a bit obsessed), I switched over to the Julie Morgenstern system. The best thing about this system was that it got me to “let go” of my past months’ planning pages, and shred them. It also got me into the habit of recording/backing up necessary info on my computer where I can retrieve it more easily. Other than that, I REALLY didn’t click with the system’s categories and layout.

So, this year I listed all my needs for a planner:

1) Paper (I would love love love) to switch to an electronic system, but can’t stand the tiny screens/power dependence of the current models. However, if I find an affordable phone/planner combo, I may switch over, since I KNOW I’ll keep my phone charged and with me).

2)  Purse-portable (so simply having the FC software on my laptop isn’t an option, though I’d love it to use at work).

3) Must have “future planning” areas (for subsequent years, etc).

4) Must have a “month at a glance” view.

6) Can’t be too small b/c then I won’t use it…it annoys me to write in tiny, cramped planners.

7) Must have a place for me to write on each day, but doesn’t have to be extensive. <–OK, this was what opened my eyes to what I really want out of a planner. I realized that I do NOT need 2 planning pages or even 1 full page per day. Why? Even with 2 pages/day, I still run out of room some days and have way too much empty space other days.

My actual habits are to use my planner daily for glancing at “big picture” stuff and writing down future deadlines, and then supplement this with “to do” lists written on medium sized steno pads.

Ah HA!

So, I got the FC, Wire bound, 1 year, 2 pages per week…yes WEEK!, month-at-glance, future-planning-pages-included planner. :) It’s quite small: about the height of one-and-a-half of my hands, and the width of a hand length. Definitely not tiny, but not a massive 8.5″ x11″ size.  The entire year fits in this one notebook.

Thus far, the transition has been pain-free… :)

baking inspired by Cambodia

Once of the most inspirational things about being in Cambodia was rediscovering the joy of freshly prepared foods made from whole foods (rather than pre-packaged, convenience foods). As I sat down to meals that had 4 or 5 components–a soup, cooked vegetable, crudites, meat/protein, rice, and fruit-and noted how happily my dining companions and I grazed and munched our way through at a leisurely pace,  I had an epiphany: It is OK to spend more than 10 minutes preparing a meal. In fact, it’s absolutely OK to spend over an hour preparing a meal.

This lead to another epiphany: it’s OK to MAKE time (i.e., make it a priority) to prepare healthy, beautiful meals.  Time spent preparing an enjoyable, lovely meal that’s physically and aesthetically nourishing is time well spent.

So, I’ve been preparing lovely fruit and veggie-filled salads (think baby greens, torn spinach, pomegranate arils, diced apples, toasted almonds, slivered prunes, dried cherries, shredded carrot, and bits of broccoli sprinkled with a light Balsamic vinaigrette) to take to work, tea during the day, and simple desserts (like these Brown Butter Brown Sugar Shorties from Smitten Kitchen).

It takes time…probably 30-45 minutes a day…but it’s a new, lovely feeling….we’ll see where it leads.

perusing Phnom Penh

Anywho, the night we arrived in Pnom Penh, we felt like walking, since we’d been stuck on a bus for 8 hours. So, we checked into a hotel (taken there by Sam, a really nice guy with an Australian accent. He’s Khmer and has never been outside the country and has no idea how he got an Aussie accent. I figure it’s from one of his English teachers). We decided to walk to the Royal Palace and find a place to eat at the Riverside area (a tourist area that is literally on the giant river that runs through Pnom Penh). Walking through rush hour traffic in Pnom Penh was terrifying–we basically just had to dash for our lives when we crossed the streets.

While hunting down a restaurant, we saw a German couple pulling a wagon with their 3 tiny sons (they all looked to be under 4 or 5 years old) down the same streets that were terrifying us. BRAVE SOULS! Definitely put our own walk into perspective. :) We were tired and ended up at a very yummy, cop-out (read: Not at ALL adventurous) cafe called Cafe Fresco. Yummy baked goods and sandwiches and kick-butt ice cream. We enjoyed the air con and food immensely.

Then, we walked around by the river. Several vendors were there, including some selling wild finches that people purchased, held in their hands, whispered something to, and then let go over the river. The birds flew away, apparently unharmed. I’m not sure what the purpose of this was–perhaps the birds carry prayers or wishes? Something I’ll have to look up.

It was extremely crowded and as we’d been warned by everyone about pick pocketing/robbery, etc, we decided to head home. We braved the darker but less crowded streets and stumbled across a Kantha Bopha hospital!!! TOO COOL! They were taking blood donations (so a sign said), so we went in to see if the Wunderhusband could donate. They were understaffed that night (it was 10 PM) and asked if we could return the following day. I guess it ended up being a good thing that they weren’t available since he started feeling ill the next morning and ended up not donating.

We had our Tuk Tuk driver pick us up at 7:30 AM and take us to the Killing Fields. We were the first ones there that day. It’s only $2 admission per person and we skipped the guided tour that allegedly cost $8 USD. It’s very simple. Just filled in, massive shallow graves, and a single, clear glass tower filled with over 3000 human skulls and the clothes found on the victims’ bodies. (They only excavated 84 (I think?) of 129 mass graves discovered). It was a quiet, oddly peaceful place, with the graves overgrown with beautiful, delicate vines that the workers have to trim back every day (they were doing so while we were there). There was  a cool breeze, and we walked along a path that encircled the area.

On that path, out of view of the guards, we were accosted by a cute little boy who chatted with us then immediately begged for money…actually whined for money. We gave him a Clif Bar. A few minutes later, a group of 5 different chidlren accosted us and chatted asking for money. We didn’t have anything to give them as we do not give money to begging children. There are tons of agencies that advise against this for many reasons: the kids are pimped out to beg since people are more sympathetic to them  than to adults; the kids skip school to beg since it seems more rewarding; it teaches them to beg rather than to learn job skills, etc; I talked with them instead, and I think they were trying to get me to say bad words in Khmer as a joke by telling me that those were their names. I didn’t repeat the names and instead asked them questions. They were really cute and smart…typical kids making mischief, and when they spotted a guard, they dashed away.

We met up with our Tuk Tuk driver and he then did one of the most tasteless things I’ve experienced in Cambodia. We’d just finished touring the KILLING FIELDS, and he asked us if we wanted to go shooting! Yeah, SHOOTING! The shooting ranges here in Cambodia are a bit notorious/infamous as they have access to all kinds of guns we don’t get to play with in the USA (AK 47s, automatic rifles, etc). That in itself isn’t so bad–in fact it’s kind of cool; I’m a big fan of guns. But a lot of them (according to the Lonely Planet: Cambodia) offer live, small animals as targets. And even if the targets were just paper, I JUST TOURED THE FREAKING KILLING FIELDS. Umm, I’m pretty sure that experience is meant to be humbling and thought provoking, not an inspiration toward violence.

We headed into town to the Russsian Market where I picked up some souvenirs and showed off my China-honed bargaining skills for the Wunderhusband. He was impressed but hates shopping so was miserable most of the time. I offered to pick him up at a nearby restaurant when I was finished, but he gallantly pointed out that he wanted to make sure nothing happened to me while I was perusing (the markey was extremely crowded), and that we had no cell phones to use and would have a very hard time finding each other again if either of us got lost.

After shopping, we headed to “Friends”, a restuarant that benefits a Child-Safety Center that helps take kids off the street and out of slavery/abusive situations in Cambodia. AMAZING FOOD–we had several of their tapas and a totally awesome “green apple and kafir lime freeze” (no, their ice did NOT make us sick cuz it’s tourist friendly), and a “strawberry-mango yogurt lassi”.

After chowing down, we rode back to our hotel, rested and showered and packed, then rode in C R A Z Y traffic to the airport. Our driver did a fabulous job, despite his moto stalling more than once in the middle of a 10-way traffic intersection. We were in transit for more than 36 hours coming home…just long enough for me to fall head over heels in love with the Korean International Airport at Incheon (more on that later). :)

getting to Phnom Penh

Phnom Penh….we survived!!

What a city! Well, we had big, big plans for Pnom Penh, and then half of our group got sick. I’ll give you a hint: it’s the half of our group that is NOT a germaphobe and who is always teasing the germaphobe half about being too concerned about germs. :-P NEENER NEENER NEENER! But on a more serious note, please pray for him to get better…he’s running a fever and has body ache, and that’s about all we know. We figure it’s a virus since there are no other symptoms, and he’s feeling a lot better now that he’s rested for 36 hours.[UPDATE-he's 100% better now].

We still got some cool activities in.

We left Siem Reap at about 10 AM (the bus was running fairly late). (BTW, THANK YOU, Nick Yu and HCMI for getting us 50% off the posted rate on our hotel room!).

On the bus, we chatted with an American tourist (he was on vacation from teaching English in Korea) who had gotten totally screwed over by his Tuk Tuk driver (motorcycle-with a wagon attached to the back). The normal price for a bus (for tourists) is $7 USD. We paid $8 b/c our driver booked them for us in advance and wanted some recompense for it. The guy we chatted with, Jason, paid $15 USD for a single seat, buying it from his driver. Bummer. He was also charged $50 USD for his moto ride (we paid $10 USDfor the same ride). MEGA bummer. I guess we have Nick and the Lonely Planet: Cambodia to thank for giving us guidelines that kept our losses to a minimum. We still “got our heads shaved” by Khmer standards, but when that means paying $1 for a pineapple instead of 25 cents, we’re OK with counting that as our contribution to the seller’s personal account.

Soooo, the bus ride was hellaciously long. Like almost 8 hours long. We were in the back third of the bus this time. It was really gross–lots of sneezing people, a peeing, naked toddler, unwashed people, food on the floor, etc. Fortunately, we’d taken our motion sickness meds and I zoned out during the bad parts on my ipod. The Wunderhub was fine and enjoyed the scenery.

We also chatted extensively about Dr. Beatocello, a doctor who has devoted that last 40 years to establishing the Kantha Bopha hospitals: corruption free, Western standard-compliant, FREE hospitals for Cambodian children and pregnant women. He is passionate about getting funding for these hospitals and heavily criticizes the WHO (World Health Organization) for not allowing funds from the UN to go to his hospitals. They say that his standards don’t match those of the country’s status and are thus too expensive and impossible to sustain. He argues that children in Cambodia deserve the same standard of care as children in more developed countries. He gives free, amazing benefit concerts in which he plays the cello then talks about his quest to raise money. We attended and were quite moved–he’s apparently a famous, Swiss entertainer and is quite jovial, interesting, and extremely intelligent. When I have a better internet connection (i.e., faster), I’ll post his website for you to check out! His hospitals’ stats are extraordinary, and the way they operate “creatively” without corruption in a country dominated by corruption is quite inspirational.

Siem Reap, Day 2!

Yes, that’s right. we got up at 4:30 AM VOLUNTARILY. We rode via moto (a motorcylce with a passenger cart attached to the back)  to Ankor Wat in total darkness except for headlights. The driver dropped us off, and we stumbled along in total darkness except for our LED flashlights to what seemed like a good place to watch. As we crossed the bridge over the absurdly wide moat, I glanced up to look at the stars and saw a shooting star!! We sat and ate our breakfast (Clif bars and water) and prayed a prayer of Thanksgiving for being in such a beautiful place together.

 

The sunrise came up oh so-slowly-and-daintily…showing wide, gauzy stripes of pink and purple, and slowly illuminating the sillhouette of Ankor Wat. I glanced down to fiddle with my camera settings and when I looked up, the sun had suddenly illuminated the entire temple with a beautiful lavender-tinged light….absolutely glorious.

 

We walked into Ankor Wat, and it completely took our breath away. It’s funny–I was thinking that i was jaded b/c I wasn’t very impressed with its silhouette…but all I was seeing was the entrance courtyard! Ankor Wat at sunrise has this misty, ethereal quality. It was quiet except for geckos, frogs and bats squeaking, and the light was so soft and perfect that it seemed like we were walking through a dreamscape. There’s NOTHING like the sunrise for perfect lighting at Ankor Wat. I snapped away taking picture after picture…it’s such a photogenic place….it’s almost impossible to take a bad picture there.The Bas Reliefs are stunningly detailed, and the architecture is like nothing either of us had ever seen. PICTURES TO COME! :)

 

After spending over 3 hours at Ankor Wat (it felt like 20 minutes), we decided to do our own walking tour, following the “mini circuit” from the Lonely Planet Cambodia guide. We took a bathroom break, then bought some postcards from a very persistent little boy. When 2 other children approached us with postcards he said, “buy from me because I asked you first’”! :) We DID buy from him, and he raced up to us as we left and gave us 2 small, woven reed bracelets. At first we thought he was trying to sell us more, and he said Ï give to you because you buy from me”". Sweet. We paid $1 for 10 postcards.

 

We walked to Ankor Thom, a giant, walled city with huge, gorgeous gates. The gate we walked through was restored to show the entrance flanked on either side with demons battling gods, each side seated on its own giant serpent. Bakong is there, and it’s a very beautiful, impressive temple with a lot of restoration being done.

 

We also saw the Terrace of the Elephants and the Bayon–COOL! The Bayon has 216 enormous, carved stone faces that smile down at you as you walk through…it’s breathtakingly beautiful. ANd, acoording to Lonely Planet Cambodia, we don’t know what its function was.

 

Then, we walked about 5 kilometers to Ta Keo–it’s an unfinished, undecorated temple–very elegant, but plain compared to the others. It was a nice place to rest our feet after walking so far. We also got a cool, carved pineapple to share…it was carved in a single spiral and peeled/sectioned for convenient eating.

We walked a loooong way to Ta Prohm next…it’s the famous Lara Croft: Tomb Raider temple that’s been “swallowed up” by the jungle. Gargantuan tree roots engulf many of the walls, and vines and moss abound. It’s indescribably cool to be there in person.

 

After that we were tired so we took a Moto to the center of town (Psar Chaa) and ate at the Blue Pumpkin. Not adventurous, but yummy! They have all sorts of baked goods and housemade ice creams. I tried the dark chocolate ice cream (not intense enough) with the green-lemon-and-kafir-lime ice cream (out of this world with bits of kafir lime zest swirled throughout), a veggie sandwich, and a chocolate brioche. Yeah, so much for losing weight here. Wunderhub had the spicy chicken sandwich, a mango shake, and an apple turnover. Then, I went to Islands foot massage for a 1 hour indulgence. The woman did such an amazing job….she rubbed my feet and legs for 40 minutes, then rubbed my arms, hands, neck, shoulders, back and scalp, then did some stretches on my back. It was traditional Khmer style massage (so the sign said :-P), and it was AWESOME. the cost was $7, but she worked so hard that we paid $9 as a thank you.

 

Then, we shopped around–it’s a very touristy but clean area, then headed back to the hotel. We’ll try to hit Madame Butterfly for dinner tonight, then head out to Phnom Penh in the morning.

 

Much love to all…we miss you very much and think/talk of you often! Please continue to pray for safety and health. We have another 4 hour bus ride tomorrow morning, then 1.5 days in Phnom Penh, a much rougher city than Siem Reap. We have felt your prayers and seen their results in our good health, the amazing weather, and the great time we’re having. THANK YOU.

See you soon!

 

Siem Reap, Day 1!

warning: this is CRAZY LONG….read at your own risk! ;) also, the keyboard here at the hotel internet cafe is AWFUL, so please forgive any typos.

 

omg…what a day it’s been!

 

ok, first things first. We left Bright Future School (and Nick’s company) yesterday via bus. We took the “GST” Bus Line on Nick’s Recommendation, and not only was it reasonably on time (only 15 mins late), it was airconditioned, and they sat us right in the very front row, so we got plenty of fresh air, a great view of where we were going, and fewer germs from all the other passengers. We were also right in front of the TV and got to watch Khmer music videos, a horribly gory chinese-dubbed-in-Khmer action flick, and Khmer comedy routines. ; ) The bus ride took a little over 4 hours to take us to Siem Reap, with 2 pit stops and 4 pick-ups/drop-offs.

 

We checked into a really nice hotel (Hotel Cozyna) for $30/night. It’s like a resort–totally beautiful, clean, air conditioned, and cable TV (which Wunderhub is thrilled about).

 

We had a REALLY nice moto driver take us to the hotel from the bus station, and he agreed to pick us up at 4:30 PM to see the sunset at the Ankor temples. The nice thing is that if you buy a $20 day pass to the temples at sunset, you get the sunset view for free, and your pass works the entire next day for all the temples. They take a digital photo of you and it prints right on your ticket, so they can easily verify that you have a genuine ticket.

 

Anyway, the sunset WAS BEAUTIFUL. We hiked up a huge hill to Phnom Bakeng (a tomb/temple) and watched the sun sink down slowly over the horizon. The stone steps up to the top of the temple were crazy…like a smooth-stepped ladder….terrifying to walk down, but ok on the way up! We also saw lots of asian elephants taking people up and down the hill (the old, tradtional way of traveling to the wats). They carry people in large baskets on their backs, 4-6 people at a time, plus their trainer.

 

Everyone asks ‘”Where you from?”and  Wunderhub’s’s been answering (truthfully) “the Philippines”…they all say, in response: ‘”you look like [you're from]  Europe”. Interesting. We’ve never gotten that before!

 

After the sunset, we headed back down the hill and ended up walking through the jungle (on a well worn path, of course) in complete darkness. fortunately, I had my little LED flashlight, so we didn’t trip or step in an elephant surprise. It was hilarious…the instant it got dark, all these birds and bugs started coo-ing and squeaking and making their respective noises: it sounded exactly like a jungle soundtrack from, say, the Jungle Cruise ride at Disneyland. At the end of the path, a band made up entirely of landmine victims, all missing 1-2 limbs, usually legs, was playing beautiful Khmer music and selling CDs and VCDs. We left a small donation, and their poignant, haunting music played by candelight is something I don’t think I’ll ever forget.

 

We headed back to the hotel via moto, ate dinner, then went to bed early since we had to get up at 4:30 AM to catch the sunrise at Ankor Wat.