equilibrium…for now

I’ve reached a sort of equilibrium for now, regarding my feelings toward parenting. Mostly, I’m just reading and researching and talking to parents and trying to absorb as much as possible.

I have so many ideas for what I’d love to do as a parent–live in different areas of the USA, live in different countries, cultivate an active lifestyle, possibly home school, introduce my child to the love of reading. Oh! and then there’s music, dance, food and cooking. And of course there’s church, spirituality, and– God-willing– a relationship with Christ. Oh…and critical thinking & problem solving, creative expression…I can’t wait to see all the new things I learn while introducing new concepts to our little one.

It’s nice to have shifted, for now, to a more positive, creative focus.

Had an odd experience this week. I recently had my first doc. appt, and naturally, she ordered a battery of blood/urine tests. 3 days ago, a person from the blood lab called me and left a cryptic message on our answering machine requesting that I call her back. When I did, she didn’t recognize my name or remember why she’d called me. Ummm…WEIRD. And mildly disturbing lack of organization. Hopefully this is not indicative of the hospital’s entire organizational structure.

gratitude challenge

Yesterday, I worked a fairly chaotic, difficult ten hour day, then worked out at a high-intensity aerobics class for 1 hour, then went to Trader Joe’s to pick up food for tomorrow’s training session, then came home, showered, folded some laundry, and read a Dean Koontz book. I fell asleep at 9:35 PM.

Then, I woke up at 1:45 AM, fully awake and unable to sleep. I tried to simply lay down calmly for an hour, to no avail. I got up and mopped my entire kitchen/dining/living area. Still wide awake. I was upset, angry, and annoyed because I have another 10-12 hour workday tomorrow, and I need all the sleep and energy I can get at this point.  I’m an admitted night owl and normally love being up at this time…just not when I know that it means I’ll be drained, barely able to keep my eyes open, and struggling to be productive tomorrow.

But being up and about showed me several challenging things about myself: 1) my productivity level is woefully low. A more virtuous, organized person would have picked up a sewing or embroidery project, read, written something productive, meditated, prayed, read the Bible, or done more cleaning with this precious time and energy. What did I do? I mopped my floors and hopped online to catch up on blog reading. Not the best use of my time. Quite lame, in fact. I’ll take this as a challenge to cultivate meaningful productivity that will allow me to make the best use of times like this, rather than seeing them as a frustration.

2) I feel oddly conflicted about the thought of being  a parent…mostly, I just don’t feel ready. No, it’s not that I’m not ready to “give up” the freedom that comes with being childless…I’ve been ready to give that up for some time now. It’s more that I feel horrendously unprepared to be the parent that I should be. It’s so….challenging to know that I will inevitably, at some point, fail to parent well. I HATE failing. I usually do everything possible not to fail. But life and parenting aren’t about avoiding failure…they’re about showing God’s love to my sphere of influence in the best way that I can. Why is that so hard to grasp? Shouldn’t that be a joyful realization? Why this conflicted, messy feeling?

3) I have to say that I’m not sure how to process pregnancy and marriage together. What does this pregnancy mean for my marriage? How will it change us? How do we make sure that this pregnancy brings us closer rather than driving us apart? After all, for the duration of the pregnancy, all the weird changes and drama are happening to me, not him. Even when you’re married, it can still be tough to empathize with your partner’s circumstances when there’s no way you’ll ever be him/her or experience what s/he does. I don’t want to expect too much of my partner, but at the same time, how do we purposefully grow together in this?

4) My awareness that pregnancy can end in tragedy and loss at any time is constant. Intellectually, I know that’s just a fact of life–one could say the same thing about marriage, parenting, friendship, etc. Life and love always hold the risk of that ripping, tearing, horrifying loss that comes with death. Normally, I’m fine with this awareness….but with this pregnancy, it’s really making it hard for me to embrace the experience fully. In fact, I’m not embracing the experience fully. I’d like to, but I’m not sure what a healthy embrace of (vs. obsession with) this experience looks like.

Yeah, lots of food for thought and prayer.

Grace and peace to you.

craving the extraordinary

I’ve been thinking about my college experience recently. It was one of the most positive, life-changing, eye-opening, painful, beautiful experiences I’ve yet to have. I was pondering what a great time of life it was and reflecting on how I am definitely past that phase. No going back. Even better things to come.

A few nights ago, I dreamed that I went back to Biola University as a freshman. As present-day me.

And it was oh so ummm, well…off. And wrong.

I was back in Hart Hall, with 2 roommates and a new lounge (painted a really gorgeous sage green). My boyfriend from that time met me in my room (sooo not allowed in real life), and we were chatting. And then I said to him: “I’m so glad I didn’t marry you” (don’t you love dreams?) while thinking to myself “You’re so much more pompous than I remember you being”.

All sorts of other surreal, dream like things occurred, but the main thread of the dream was that I simply didn’t belong back there and that trying to regress even to a wonderful past phase of life is still unhealthy and won’t bring happiness.

Thanks for that reminder God. Now what am I to do with that?

On another note: I’ve realized that I am desperately craving close, regular contact with creative, motivated learners. I hate that as a grown up and part of a married couple, my default social activities with the Wunderhub and other couples seem to be limited to eating out, playing video games, and watching movies.

Don’t get me wrong: I adore our friends and am thrilled with any little chunk of time we can carve out of life’s craziness to spend together. I love the conversations that occur over a lovely meal that we’ve prepared with a friend in their home or ours.

[Side note:  As ancient as this makes me sound, I love playing board games that stimulate competition and great conversations.]

Aaaaaand…I realize that creative activities for a group take thought, advance planning, and mental effort. And often, we all just want to relax together and simply enjoy one another’s presence, usually on very short notice.

It’s also tough to sync up activities that males and females both enjoy.

And it’s my bad for not taking the initiative to be more creative and offer alternative activites. I’m definitely guilty of taking the easy way out and proposing the old stand-by activities.

I guess Ghandi’s admonishment to “be the change you wish to see in the world” applies here in spades. :)

So, here’s to all the fun and crazy mistakes I know I’ll make in this endeavor, and here’s hoping that my energy and creativity levels can sustain it! :)

“I love you, blogs and tea”

I was utterly charmed by this acrylic print from MadeByGirl. Sometimes it’s the simplest statements that strike a chord. :)

2 of my absolute most favorite things...EVER :)

8 Quick Takes-Easter Edition

Since I can’t get a coherent post together, here’s a quick update:

1) Awesome news: wunderhub got time off for our Europe-or-Road-trip-across-the-USA summer extravaganza. Yeah, we’re still deciding which it’s gonna be.

2) Attended a service for the stations of the cross. It was interesting, and a good thing to do. I was inordinately distracted by the patronizing, heavy-handed tone of the “helpful” guide we used to conduct the service, though. That’s more a reflection of my own easily distracted self rather than any real flaw in the book.

3) I’ve been pondering freedom and spirituality…playing with the idea that if following God feels like a burden, I’m probably not doing it right.

Also playing with the idea that God probably doesn’t care much about *what* I do in life or in my career and won’t provide guidance on it because it’s my choice that He has given me. What He really cares about is simply being close to me. That sort of makes sense in the same way that I can tell the Wunderhub that he should pick whatever career makes him happy, so long as it doesn’t separate us or harm our marriage.

Maybe it’s a very American way of approaching God to ask him to tell me what my next and best career/life move is?

4) Had a lovely, impromptu visit with the Nick family in the church parking lot last night. :) Good times.

5) Someone gave me FIVE POUNDS of super-top-quality, 70% cacoa chocolate. Can’t wait to make several awesome recipes with it!

6) Can’t eat eggs or egg whites anymore unless they’re very hidden in a dish. Baked double-chocolate-mini-bundt-cakes, and when breaking one open, came across a sinuous piece of protein from the egg whites I’d used and it totally grossed me out. Last week, tried to eat scrambled eggs (perfectly done) and they smelled so strong and so BAD that I choked. ::rolls eyes::

7) Am thrilled to to know that I’m not the only one who writes to-do lists AFTER I’ve accomplished the items on them! :)

8) CANNOT WAIT TO SEE NICK when he visits in May (from Cambodia). Sad that’s it’s only for 2 weeks.

hope, not fear

Have you ever had so many thoughts swirling through your head that it was too overwhelming to put even one of them in writing? Well, that’s been my feeling lately. So here are a few quick takes:

1) I believe that we are called to love, and love drives out fear, which promotes hope which precludes despair. “and the light shined in the darkness, and the darkness could not comprehend it…”

2) I’m struggling with the responsibility that results from knowledge. If I know of 50 awful, human-rights violating situations because I read 50 separate news stories that detailed them, what am I supposed to do with that knowledge? Pray? Try to help in a physically tangible way? How often do I pray?

3) the Wunderhub has filled our backyard with Spring flowers, my sweetpeas are about to bloom, and we’re about to get a breath-takingly dark purple bougainvillea vine to climb our patio trellis. :-D

4) Daylight savings has been kicking my butt.

5) My job, while still enjoyable, is becoming rather stressful. I keep telling myself that it’s a good chance to practice cultivating joy and peace in the midst of chaos and stress. Yeah. ::sigh::

6) I read a thought provoking article on the hipster subculture and its devastating effects on Western culture. Check it out–you won’t be disappointed.

7) I feel like I miss something, a sort of melancholy wistfulness. but I don’t know what it is.

Jury duty update

February was a crazy month! I ended up on a month long trial, serving as a juror. I’ve always been intrigued by our court system in this country and luckily, this time was a great time for me to serve. My job paid for (most) of the jury service, and I was not in school. So, the service was minimally disruptive. A few thoughts on jury services:

1) I wish real life were more like jury deliberations. The people on my jury were amazing: we were an extremely diverse group, yet people were able to listen to each other’s arguments and actually change their minds on issues(!!) when the argument made sense. Some people even worked through some pretty severe biases/emotional issues to move to a more logical point of view. A beautiful thing.

2) I ended up being the official foreperson. Now, this is a thankless job that involves lots of paperwork and mediation and for some reason absolutely no one wanted it. The first thing you do when you enter the deliberation phase of a trial is elect a foreperson. No one volunteered, so to prime the pump and get others to feel comfortable with offering to serve, I said “If no one else has a burning desire to serve, I’m happy to do so”, and about .5 seconds later, I was the elected foreperson. I have to thank one of my fellow jurors for evening planting the idea in my head: she told me she thought I’d be a good foreperson, and I practically fell out of my seat laughing. But it put the idea there. Thanks, E!

3) Being elected foreperson was, as most leadership experiences are, deeply humbling and thought provoking. I have to say that even though I’m married, almost 30, have a Master’s degree, and have deliberately changed by personal style of dress/hair to be more sophisticated, I’m not used to other people treating me like a “real” grown up. I was the second youngest person on this jury (but several other people were very close in age to me), and I was flabbergasted that they would so readily give me this position.

4) Thankfully for me and fortunately for everyone else, I had an unofficial co-foreperson who was about 2 million times better at my job than I was. Thank God, I saw this and relied heavily on (and learned a lot from) his negotiating and management skills. He was truly gifted and the main reason for our success.Thanks, G!

5) Also thankfully, everyone on the jury was extraordinarily supportive and conscientious.

7) I was able to ask my dear friend, Tamster what her jury foreperson did (she was on a 9 month long trial!) to make the deliberation process smoother. I presented the ideas as an “experiment” and everyone loved them so much that they started asking to repeat the new process with each count that we decided on!

6) It was still a ridiculously stressful process. Being locked in a room with 11 other people deciding the fate of others is quite traumatic, even the law and judge’s instructions as a guide.

7) Funny/embarrassing story: our judge was astoundingly smart and quick. On the last day, as we delivered our verdicts, she directed all her questions to me, as the foreperson. I was extremely nervous and she asked me something that I didn’t quite understand. After giving me about 1 second to think, she inquired calmly and sympathetically, “Am I confusing you, Ms. Mircat?” (naturally she used my last name). I felt like saying, “No, my brain just doesn’t work as quickly as yours does, especially when I’m nervous!” :)

South Beach, phase 1 update

My SB Phase 1 attempt unfortunately coincided with intense physical and mental fatigue, stress, and busyness. So, I gave myself permission to not continue with Phase 1 until I regain some equilibrium. One thing that I realized is that I allow myself to absorb far too much stress, anxiety, and frantic energy from stressed out people around me. This has lead to daily, throbbing tension headaches, exhaustion, lack of creativity, and short temperedness with loved ones. So, I am making it a point to respond to stress and panic in others with calm, humble optimism, refusing to allow myself to get pulled into the vortex of panic while still humbly (not smugly!) offering cheerful support.

I will resume blogging SB phase 1 experiences, tips, and menus when I feel ready to continue or have made enough modifications to successfully complete a 30 day experiment with it. :)

expansion

Have you ever had one of those deliciously overwhelming learning experience that opened up so many new pathways and ideas that you couldn’t keep track of them all? I love that feeling…a wonderfully decadent abundance of creative energy.

Those types of experiences have seemed very few and far between lately, but I was delighted and deeply humbled to have one this week. I took a class on Final Cut Pro, a video editing program. Yeah, I know, that doesn’t sound all that exciting. But the combination of getting to work with an artistic, preternaturally gifted teacher and the fact that FCP is an *amazing* program that seems to be limited only by its user’s capabilities has left me feeling mentally breathless. (And can I just say how AWESOME it is to work with someone who has defined, clearly articulated artistic principles? I so appreciate when people think through why they believe something, act on that belief, and then articulate that belief clearly to others. Yeah, our teacher totally rocks!).

May your long weekend be productive, rejuvenating, and bountifully creative!

Day 4/28

Sorry I’m a little late posting this….

Well, I didn’t simply fall off the no-refined-carbs bandwagon yesterday: I took an inelegant nosedive off. ::sigh::

Day 3/28

OK, today was the polar opposite of yesterday. Good grief.

Menu was virtually the same (Kefir, nuts, shrimp-edamame-avocado salad, nuts, turkey sausage, more shrimp salad, followed by 2 cups of steamed broccoli with some shredded cheddar). And there the similarities end.

Had a ridiculous energy slump at 3:30 PM (unlike yesterday). Caved and ate 90% of a freshly baked-from-scratch chocolate chip cookie. Boooooo! :(

Exercise:

Energy slump carried over to when I went to go work out. I was so tired (not sure why–I got 7 hrs of sleep last night) that I slept in my car for an hour in the gym parking lot. I still wanted to go home, but I made myself go in and did 30 mins of cardio on the elliptical (only burned 250 calories), then did some ab work on a stability ball, followed by some relaxing stretches. Focused on my breathing again, and listened to what my body wanted to do: my pace was a lot slower than yesterday, but still consistent.

Water:

Just finished my 64 ounces of water. YEAY ME! 2 days in a row! Oddly, the water consumption feels very natural with this meal plan. It’s still a very conscious effort to remember to drink so much water, but I don’t actually feel like it’s too much.

Oh, and just so you know, I’m aware that the whole “64 oz of water a day” thing was and never has been a health mandate (the original study noted that most adults get enough fluid through normal food and beverage consumption throughout the day, and that it ends up being around 64 oz of fluid). Still, I *know* that I drink far too little water, and I’m curious to see what tripling my normal consumption does for my health and how I feel.

Mantras:

Am slowly working 2 mantras into my thought processes. One is the diabetic mandate: “refined sugar is poison to me”…I have such an issue with overconsumption of refined sugar (I’m FAR too fond of it) that I’m trying to modify my thinking about it to be severely restrictive. I then hope to get to a more moderate place where I can have a cupcake now and then, but keep desserts to a minimal treat rather than a daily craving.

The other mantra is a work in progress. Now that I’m not in college, it’s a challenge to integrate exercise into my daily life. So, I tried to think of something enjoyable that I ALWAYS do on a daily basis, no matter what, and correlate that activity with exercise. The answer? Showering! :) I LOVE showers, and never skip them. E V E R. So, my second mantra is: “Exercise is like showering: you do it every day, and it makes you feel better.” Hey, I said it was a work in progress! :-P

Let’s see how tomorrow goes!

South Beach, Phase 1, Day 2

Had a lifetime “first” today: I drank 64 oz of water. : ) YEAY me. Each day is so different….some days it’s so easy to eat healthy food and exercise, then the very next day it’s the hardest thing in the world. Go figure. This variability has taught me to stay humble and focused, even during successful times.

Today is Day 2 of 28 in my South Beach Diet, Phase 1. Yesterday, I spent 3 hours (yes, HOURS) planning 2 weeks worth of low-meat, high protein, high fiber, low fat, almost no eggs, limited dairy, no refined carbs, virtually no fruit ::gasps for air:: meals. Then, since these meals aren’t easily or affordably available to buy, I spent another hour doing food prep (chopping veggies & mixing up a Shrimp-Avocado-Edamame Salad). I’ve identified that I MUST have a specific dinner plan or meal prepared for when I get home, otherwise, I gorge on refined carbs or graze WAY too many calories, or eat too many sweets.

So, today I ate my painstakingly planned, small meals every 2-3 hours and drank about 12 oz of water every time I ate. It worked out really well today…I wasn’t racing to the bathroom or feeling that horrible, sloshy sensation that occurs when I drink too much water in one sitting.

I have to admit, I’m pretty skeptical about the positive effects of drinking so much water….I mean, if I needed that much water, wouldn’t I be thirstier? But anyway, I *did* notice something interesting today that I think was related to my increased water consumption and to my high protein, etc. diet. 1) I had more sustained energy. Amazingly, I never “crashed” today, and I ALWAYS crash between 2-3 PM and am usually very tired around dinner time too. 2) While I was working out, I had amazing endurance. I did a 1 hour Yoga class and 30 minutes of sustained cardio workout (heartrate at 150, for a total of 350 calories burned on the elliptical machine), and I never felt sick, weak, or headachy. I also still have tons of energy at 10 PM.

One awesome side benefit of doing a yoga class before my cardio workout was that I was so focused on my breath and on the music I was listening to that I didn’t notice anything else….and because I wasn’t thinking about my discomfort, but just on how to keep my breathing even and consistent, I ended up setting an ideal, sustainable pace for myself which ultimately ended up being more effective than straining for a few minutes to maintain a really fast pace, then slowing down too much and losing (not “loosing”, people! Sorry, pet peeve) momentum. We’ll see how tomorrow goes. ::fingers crossed::

For anyone interested, today’s menu was:

8 AM–1/2 cup of lowfat kefir (tastes WAY better @ room temperature than it does cold!!)

10 AM, 1/4 cup Valdosta Pecan Mix (from Sahale)

Noon, 6 pieces of edamame-vegetable shu mai (Trader Joe’s freezer section)

2 PM, 1/2 cup (yeah, I cheated and ate some extra–should’ve been 1/4 cup) Dauphine Walnut Mix (from Sahale)

4 PM, 3 lowfat, turkey sausage links

7 PM, Shrimp-Avocado-Edamame salad (made with Trader Joe’s Soycutash blend instead of plain edamame).

It was a little high-fat for South Beach Phase 1, but I think that I got some high quality protein and nutrients from the wide variety of foods that I consumed.

planner plans 2009

I’ve been a huge fan of the Franklin Covey system since it positively and permanently changed my life in 2004. I had just started a new job and during the first 3 months of training, my bosses brought in a Franklin Covey consultant who gave us starter-planners and guided us through an all day seminar on not only how to use them, but why having a more structured way of documenting and accomplishing one’s goals is valuable.After all, committing to putting plans on paper is no small time pledge.

Soooo, long story short, I realized that even though I accomplished lots of things and could systematically reach many goals (finishing my degree, getting a new job, etc), when it came to my personal/social life, I was a mess. I had no way to prioritize my time and activities and consequently allowed my time and energy to be drained away by the first or most demanding person currently in front of me.

Franklin Covey helped me to put my spiritual and social values alongside my professional and educational goals (yeah, I know, they should have been integrated already), and legitimized their prioritization. Suddenly, I lived in a world where my needs for time in prayer, with family, alone, etc., were not only ON my “To-Do” list, but were actually high priority…even (gasp) prioritized over other people’s demands on my time. TOTAL life change.

Though I didn’t realize it at the time, this system freed me up from a lot of psychic weight. Before, I didn’t have a dependable way to remember something that needed to be done 6, 12, 18, or even 24 months in the future.  I can’t tell you how COOL it is to be able to write something down and forget about it, knowing that I will remember it when I need to.

Naturally, I’ve been on a hunt for the “perfect planner” ever since I started using one. My FC consultant flat-out told me that while FC has tons of products, a legal pad for each month, divided into sections for different priorities would work absolutely fine….it’s the principles of organization that are essential. Still, I really like having a dedicated, specially designed planner.

For years I used the original, “classic” planner pages….until I realized that there was too much in them that I didn’t use. I tried the “Design Your Own” pages for a couple of years and really liked them, but hated how much paper they used and how awful I felt if I didn’t use up each day’s space. (I detest tiny planners, so getting a tiny, compact one will never be an option).

In 2008, in an effort to “pare down” and avoid carrying 12 months of planner pages around all the time (I got a bit obsessed), I switched over to the Julie Morgenstern system. The best thing about this system was that it got me to “let go” of my past months’ planning pages, and shred them. It also got me into the habit of recording/backing up necessary info on my computer where I can retrieve it more easily. Other than that, I REALLY didn’t click with the system’s categories and layout.

So, this year I listed all my needs for a planner:

1) Paper (I would love love love) to switch to an electronic system, but can’t stand the tiny screens/power dependence of the current models. However, if I find an affordable phone/planner combo, I may switch over, since I KNOW I’ll keep my phone charged and with me).

2)  Purse-portable (so simply having the FC software on my laptop isn’t an option, though I’d love it to use at work).

3) Must have “future planning” areas (for subsequent years, etc).

4) Must have a “month at a glance” view.

6) Can’t be too small b/c then I won’t use it…it annoys me to write in tiny, cramped planners.

7) Must have a place for me to write on each day, but doesn’t have to be extensive. <–OK, this was what opened my eyes to what I really want out of a planner. I realized that I do NOT need 2 planning pages or even 1 full page per day. Why? Even with 2 pages/day, I still run out of room some days and have way too much empty space other days.

My actual habits are to use my planner daily for glancing at “big picture” stuff and writing down future deadlines, and then supplement this with “to do” lists written on medium sized steno pads.

Ah HA!

So, I got the FC, Wire bound, 1 year, 2 pages per week…yes WEEK!, month-at-glance, future-planning-pages-included planner. :) It’s quite small: about the height of one-and-a-half of my hands, and the width of a hand length. Definitely not tiny, but not a massive 8.5″ x11″ size.  The entire year fits in this one notebook.

Thus far, the transition has been pain-free… :)

baking inspired by Cambodia

Once of the most inspirational things about being in Cambodia was rediscovering the joy of freshly prepared foods made from whole foods (rather than pre-packaged, convenience foods). As I sat down to meals that had 4 or 5 components–a soup, cooked vegetable, crudites, meat/protein, rice, and fruit-and noted how happily my dining companions and I grazed and munched our way through at a leisurely pace,  I had an epiphany: It is OK to spend more than 10 minutes preparing a meal. In fact, it’s absolutely OK to spend over an hour preparing a meal.

This lead to another epiphany: it’s OK to MAKE time (i.e., make it a priority) to prepare healthy, beautiful meals.  Time spent preparing an enjoyable, lovely meal that’s physically and aesthetically nourishing is time well spent.

So, I’ve been preparing lovely fruit and veggie-filled salads (think baby greens, torn spinach, pomegranate arils, diced apples, toasted almonds, slivered prunes, dried cherries, shredded carrot, and bits of broccoli sprinkled with a light Balsamic vinaigrette) to take to work, tea during the day, and simple desserts (like these Brown Butter Brown Sugar Shorties from Smitten Kitchen).

It takes time…probably 30-45 minutes a day…but it’s a new, lovely feeling….we’ll see where it leads.

perusing Phnom Penh

Anywho, the night we arrived in Pnom Penh, we felt like walking, since we’d been stuck on a bus for 8 hours. So, we checked into a hotel (taken there by Sam, a really nice guy with an Australian accent. He’s Khmer and has never been outside the country and has no idea how he got an Aussie accent. I figure it’s from one of his English teachers). We decided to walk to the Royal Palace and find a place to eat at the Riverside area (a tourist area that is literally on the giant river that runs through Pnom Penh). Walking through rush hour traffic in Pnom Penh was terrifying–we basically just had to dash for our lives when we crossed the streets.

While hunting down a restaurant, we saw a German couple pulling a wagon with their 3 tiny sons (they all looked to be under 4 or 5 years old) down the same streets that were terrifying us. BRAVE SOULS! Definitely put our own walk into perspective. :) We were tired and ended up at a very yummy, cop-out (read: Not at ALL adventurous) cafe called Cafe Fresco. Yummy baked goods and sandwiches and kick-butt ice cream. We enjoyed the air con and food immensely.

Then, we walked around by the river. Several vendors were there, including some selling wild finches that people purchased, held in their hands, whispered something to, and then let go over the river. The birds flew away, apparently unharmed. I’m not sure what the purpose of this was–perhaps the birds carry prayers or wishes? Something I’ll have to look up.

It was extremely crowded and as we’d been warned by everyone about pick pocketing/robbery, etc, we decided to head home. We braved the darker but less crowded streets and stumbled across a Kantha Bopha hospital!!! TOO COOL! They were taking blood donations (so a sign said), so we went in to see if the Wunderhusband could donate. They were understaffed that night (it was 10 PM) and asked if we could return the following day. I guess it ended up being a good thing that they weren’t available since he started feeling ill the next morning and ended up not donating.

We had our Tuk Tuk driver pick us up at 7:30 AM and take us to the Killing Fields. We were the first ones there that day. It’s only $2 admission per person and we skipped the guided tour that allegedly cost $8 USD. It’s very simple. Just filled in, massive shallow graves, and a single, clear glass tower filled with over 3000 human skulls and the clothes found on the victims’ bodies. (They only excavated 84 (I think?) of 129 mass graves discovered). It was a quiet, oddly peaceful place, with the graves overgrown with beautiful, delicate vines that the workers have to trim back every day (they were doing so while we were there). There was  a cool breeze, and we walked along a path that encircled the area.

On that path, out of view of the guards, we were accosted by a cute little boy who chatted with us then immediately begged for money…actually whined for money. We gave him a Clif Bar. A few minutes later, a group of 5 different chidlren accosted us and chatted asking for money. We didn’t have anything to give them as we do not give money to begging children. There are tons of agencies that advise against this for many reasons: the kids are pimped out to beg since people are more sympathetic to them  than to adults; the kids skip school to beg since it seems more rewarding; it teaches them to beg rather than to learn job skills, etc; I talked with them instead, and I think they were trying to get me to say bad words in Khmer as a joke by telling me that those were their names. I didn’t repeat the names and instead asked them questions. They were really cute and smart…typical kids making mischief, and when they spotted a guard, they dashed away.

We met up with our Tuk Tuk driver and he then did one of the most tasteless things I’ve experienced in Cambodia. We’d just finished touring the KILLING FIELDS, and he asked us if we wanted to go shooting! Yeah, SHOOTING! The shooting ranges here in Cambodia are a bit notorious/infamous as they have access to all kinds of guns we don’t get to play with in the USA (AK 47s, automatic rifles, etc). That in itself isn’t so bad–in fact it’s kind of cool; I’m a big fan of guns. But a lot of them (according to the Lonely Planet: Cambodia) offer live, small animals as targets. And even if the targets were just paper, I JUST TOURED THE FREAKING KILLING FIELDS. Umm, I’m pretty sure that experience is meant to be humbling and thought provoking, not an inspiration toward violence.

We headed into town to the Russsian Market where I picked up some souvenirs and showed off my China-honed bargaining skills for the Wunderhusband. He was impressed but hates shopping so was miserable most of the time. I offered to pick him up at a nearby restaurant when I was finished, but he gallantly pointed out that he wanted to make sure nothing happened to me while I was perusing (the markey was extremely crowded), and that we had no cell phones to use and would have a very hard time finding each other again if either of us got lost.

After shopping, we headed to “Friends”, a restuarant that benefits a Child-Safety Center that helps take kids off the street and out of slavery/abusive situations in Cambodia. AMAZING FOOD–we had several of their tapas and a totally awesome “green apple and kafir lime freeze” (no, their ice did NOT make us sick cuz it’s tourist friendly), and a “strawberry-mango yogurt lassi”.

After chowing down, we rode back to our hotel, rested and showered and packed, then rode in C R A Z Y traffic to the airport. Our driver did a fabulous job, despite his moto stalling more than once in the middle of a 10-way traffic intersection. We were in transit for more than 36 hours coming home…just long enough for me to fall head over heels in love with the Korean International Airport at Incheon (more on that later). :)

getting to Phnom Penh

Phnom Penh….we survived!!

What a city! Well, we had big, big plans for Pnom Penh, and then half of our group got sick. I’ll give you a hint: it’s the half of our group that is NOT a germaphobe and who is always teasing the germaphobe half about being too concerned about germs. :-P NEENER NEENER NEENER! But on a more serious note, please pray for him to get better…he’s running a fever and has body ache, and that’s about all we know. We figure it’s a virus since there are no other symptoms, and he’s feeling a lot better now that he’s rested for 36 hours.[UPDATE-he's 100% better now].

We still got some cool activities in.

We left Siem Reap at about 10 AM (the bus was running fairly late). (BTW, THANK YOU, Nick Yu and HCMI for getting us 50% off the posted rate on our hotel room!).

On the bus, we chatted with an American tourist (he was on vacation from teaching English in Korea) who had gotten totally screwed over by his Tuk Tuk driver (motorcycle-with a wagon attached to the back). The normal price for a bus (for tourists) is $7 USD. We paid $8 b/c our driver booked them for us in advance and wanted some recompense for it. The guy we chatted with, Jason, paid $15 USD for a single seat, buying it from his driver. Bummer. He was also charged $50 USD for his moto ride (we paid $10 USDfor the same ride). MEGA bummer. I guess we have Nick and the Lonely Planet: Cambodia to thank for giving us guidelines that kept our losses to a minimum. We still “got our heads shaved” by Khmer standards, but when that means paying $1 for a pineapple instead of 25 cents, we’re OK with counting that as our contribution to the seller’s personal account.

Soooo, the bus ride was hellaciously long. Like almost 8 hours long. We were in the back third of the bus this time. It was really gross–lots of sneezing people, a peeing, naked toddler, unwashed people, food on the floor, etc. Fortunately, we’d taken our motion sickness meds and I zoned out during the bad parts on my ipod. The Wunderhub was fine and enjoyed the scenery.

We also chatted extensively about Dr. Beatocello, a doctor who has devoted that last 40 years to establishing the Kantha Bopha hospitals: corruption free, Western standard-compliant, FREE hospitals for Cambodian children and pregnant women. He is passionate about getting funding for these hospitals and heavily criticizes the WHO (World Health Organization) for not allowing funds from the UN to go to his hospitals. They say that his standards don’t match those of the country’s status and are thus too expensive and impossible to sustain. He argues that children in Cambodia deserve the same standard of care as children in more developed countries. He gives free, amazing benefit concerts in which he plays the cello then talks about his quest to raise money. We attended and were quite moved–he’s apparently a famous, Swiss entertainer and is quite jovial, interesting, and extremely intelligent. When I have a better internet connection (i.e., faster), I’ll post his website for you to check out! His hospitals’ stats are extraordinary, and the way they operate “creatively” without corruption in a country dominated by corruption is quite inspirational.

Siem Reap, Day 2!

Yes, that’s right. we got up at 4:30 AM VOLUNTARILY. We rode via moto (a motorcylce with a passenger cart attached to the back)  to Ankor Wat in total darkness except for headlights. The driver dropped us off, and we stumbled along in total darkness except for our LED flashlights to what seemed like a good place to watch. As we crossed the bridge over the absurdly wide moat, I glanced up to look at the stars and saw a shooting star!! We sat and ate our breakfast (Clif bars and water) and prayed a prayer of Thanksgiving for being in such a beautiful place together.

 

The sunrise came up oh so-slowly-and-daintily…showing wide, gauzy stripes of pink and purple, and slowly illuminating the sillhouette of Ankor Wat. I glanced down to fiddle with my camera settings and when I looked up, the sun had suddenly illuminated the entire temple with a beautiful lavender-tinged light….absolutely glorious.

 

We walked into Ankor Wat, and it completely took our breath away. It’s funny–I was thinking that i was jaded b/c I wasn’t very impressed with its silhouette…but all I was seeing was the entrance courtyard! Ankor Wat at sunrise has this misty, ethereal quality. It was quiet except for geckos, frogs and bats squeaking, and the light was so soft and perfect that it seemed like we were walking through a dreamscape. There’s NOTHING like the sunrise for perfect lighting at Ankor Wat. I snapped away taking picture after picture…it’s such a photogenic place….it’s almost impossible to take a bad picture there.The Bas Reliefs are stunningly detailed, and the architecture is like nothing either of us had ever seen. PICTURES TO COME! :)

 

After spending over 3 hours at Ankor Wat (it felt like 20 minutes), we decided to do our own walking tour, following the “mini circuit” from the Lonely Planet Cambodia guide. We took a bathroom break, then bought some postcards from a very persistent little boy. When 2 other children approached us with postcards he said, “buy from me because I asked you first’”! :) We DID buy from him, and he raced up to us as we left and gave us 2 small, woven reed bracelets. At first we thought he was trying to sell us more, and he said Ï give to you because you buy from me”". Sweet. We paid $1 for 10 postcards.

 

We walked to Ankor Thom, a giant, walled city with huge, gorgeous gates. The gate we walked through was restored to show the entrance flanked on either side with demons battling gods, each side seated on its own giant serpent. Bakong is there, and it’s a very beautiful, impressive temple with a lot of restoration being done.

 

We also saw the Terrace of the Elephants and the Bayon–COOL! The Bayon has 216 enormous, carved stone faces that smile down at you as you walk through…it’s breathtakingly beautiful. ANd, acoording to Lonely Planet Cambodia, we don’t know what its function was.

 

Then, we walked about 5 kilometers to Ta Keo–it’s an unfinished, undecorated temple–very elegant, but plain compared to the others. It was a nice place to rest our feet after walking so far. We also got a cool, carved pineapple to share…it was carved in a single spiral and peeled/sectioned for convenient eating.

We walked a loooong way to Ta Prohm next…it’s the famous Lara Croft: Tomb Raider temple that’s been “swallowed up” by the jungle. Gargantuan tree roots engulf many of the walls, and vines and moss abound. It’s indescribably cool to be there in person.

 

After that we were tired so we took a Moto to the center of town (Psar Chaa) and ate at the Blue Pumpkin. Not adventurous, but yummy! They have all sorts of baked goods and housemade ice creams. I tried the dark chocolate ice cream (not intense enough) with the green-lemon-and-kafir-lime ice cream (out of this world with bits of kafir lime zest swirled throughout), a veggie sandwich, and a chocolate brioche. Yeah, so much for losing weight here. Wunderhub had the spicy chicken sandwich, a mango shake, and an apple turnover. Then, I went to Islands foot massage for a 1 hour indulgence. The woman did such an amazing job….she rubbed my feet and legs for 40 minutes, then rubbed my arms, hands, neck, shoulders, back and scalp, then did some stretches on my back. It was traditional Khmer style massage (so the sign said :-P), and it was AWESOME. the cost was $7, but she worked so hard that we paid $9 as a thank you.

 

Then, we shopped around–it’s a very touristy but clean area, then headed back to the hotel. We’ll try to hit Madame Butterfly for dinner tonight, then head out to Phnom Penh in the morning.

 

Much love to all…we miss you very much and think/talk of you often! Please continue to pray for safety and health. We have another 4 hour bus ride tomorrow morning, then 1.5 days in Phnom Penh, a much rougher city than Siem Reap. We have felt your prayers and seen their results in our good health, the amazing weather, and the great time we’re having. THANK YOU.

See you soon!

 

Siem Reap, Day 1!

warning: this is CRAZY LONG….read at your own risk! ;) also, the keyboard here at the hotel internet cafe is AWFUL, so please forgive any typos.

 

omg…what a day it’s been!

 

ok, first things first. We left Bright Future School (and Nick’s company) yesterday via bus. We took the “GST” Bus Line on Nick’s Recommendation, and not only was it reasonably on time (only 15 mins late), it was airconditioned, and they sat us right in the very front row, so we got plenty of fresh air, a great view of where we were going, and fewer germs from all the other passengers. We were also right in front of the TV and got to watch Khmer music videos, a horribly gory chinese-dubbed-in-Khmer action flick, and Khmer comedy routines. ; ) The bus ride took a little over 4 hours to take us to Siem Reap, with 2 pit stops and 4 pick-ups/drop-offs.

 

We checked into a really nice hotel (Hotel Cozyna) for $30/night. It’s like a resort–totally beautiful, clean, air conditioned, and cable TV (which Wunderhub is thrilled about).

 

We had a REALLY nice moto driver take us to the hotel from the bus station, and he agreed to pick us up at 4:30 PM to see the sunset at the Ankor temples. The nice thing is that if you buy a $20 day pass to the temples at sunset, you get the sunset view for free, and your pass works the entire next day for all the temples. They take a digital photo of you and it prints right on your ticket, so they can easily verify that you have a genuine ticket.

 

Anyway, the sunset WAS BEAUTIFUL. We hiked up a huge hill to Phnom Bakeng (a tomb/temple) and watched the sun sink down slowly over the horizon. The stone steps up to the top of the temple were crazy…like a smooth-stepped ladder….terrifying to walk down, but ok on the way up! We also saw lots of asian elephants taking people up and down the hill (the old, tradtional way of traveling to the wats). They carry people in large baskets on their backs, 4-6 people at a time, plus their trainer.

 

Everyone asks ‘”Where you from?”and  Wunderhub’s’s been answering (truthfully) “the Philippines”…they all say, in response: ‘”you look like [you're from]  Europe”. Interesting. We’ve never gotten that before!

 

After the sunset, we headed back down the hill and ended up walking through the jungle (on a well worn path, of course) in complete darkness. fortunately, I had my little LED flashlight, so we didn’t trip or step in an elephant surprise. It was hilarious…the instant it got dark, all these birds and bugs started coo-ing and squeaking and making their respective noises: it sounded exactly like a jungle soundtrack from, say, the Jungle Cruise ride at Disneyland. At the end of the path, a band made up entirely of landmine victims, all missing 1-2 limbs, usually legs, was playing beautiful Khmer music and selling CDs and VCDs. We left a small donation, and their poignant, haunting music played by candelight is something I don’t think I’ll ever forget.

 

We headed back to the hotel via moto, ate dinner, then went to bed early since we had to get up at 4:30 AM to catch the sunrise at Ankor Wat.

 

teaching in Cambodia! :)

Well, we had a marriage “first” today: the wunderhub and I taught English TOGETHER as guest speakers in Nick’s Adult English class. We taught 11 Bible College Students for 90 minutes. We started with introducing ourselves, then moved on to a vocabulary and pronounciation lesson. The theme we chose was medical terms, since many of these students serve as translators for visiting missionaries. If said missionaries need to go to a doctor, it helps if their translators are familiar with basic medical terms. So, the Wunderhub drew a diagram of the internal organs in the torso, and I went over spelling and pronounciation of various organs and symtoms (e.g., liver and jaundice, stomach and stomach ache, cramps, nausea, vomiting, throwing up, etc). Some of them asked “rabbit trail” questions like “what causes an old man’s knees to have pain?” and I deferred the Wunderhub’s medical expertise. he did a great job explaining in simple terms.

The students asked us to slow down….we had to make sure we didn’t speak “too fast” since they’re not used to hearing a native speaker. Their major difficulties were with the “i” sound (as in “wrist”), and they also had a tough time with the “th” (as in “mouth”) and “v” (as in “fever”), so we worked on those sounds.

After about 45 minutes of vocabulary training, we transitioned into a “just for fun” break by singing the “head, shoulders, knees, and toes” song, and racing to see whether boys or girls were faster. Naturally, the girls won :), and Nick, the official referee of the contest, decreed that the losers (men) had to all do 10 pushups as penalty.

We reviewed vocabulary and took more questions, then moved on to a writing assignment. I wrote a prompt that Dr. K would’ve been proud of (I think) ;), and then they wrote a paragraph talking about a time when they’d been sick, using at least 5 of the new words they’d learned and using plenty of adjectives and details.

We’re in the library now and are answering students’ questions. We also graded and returned their paragraphs. Nick just did a lecture for his computer students on how to use email, so we just helped about 6 of them create email accounts for the first time. That was a cool experience, though deciphering the security code graphics that Yahoo! puts on their registration page is a PAIN, even if you’re not an ESL learner!

Tomorrow is our last day at the school, and then we head out to Siem Reap. Nick is helping us get bus tickets and a hotel room…can’t wait to see the sun rise over Ankor Wat!

Much love to all! thank you for your prayers…we’re told that the cool, wonderful weather we’ve been having is unheard of…one woman who’s been coming to cambodia for 5 years for 6-9 months at a time said she’s NEVER experienced this type of cool weather even in December. God is being particularly merciful to us! ;)

~Mir and Wunderhub

cambodia update–AWESOME weather!

So, we’ve had the incredible and amazing blessing of “cold” weather here in Cambodia. CRAZY! Everyone is wearing jeans and jackets because it’s a freezing 75 degrees Fahrenheit. LOL. We’re thrilled…and still in shorts and t-shirts. Thanks be to God–seriously, having cool weather makes an infinite difference. It’s actually cooler here than in the Philippines (since it’s further from the equator).

Today we’re going to visit the students at the Elementary and Middle schools here at Bright Future School.

Yesterday, we went to a morning church service a few miles away and had evening worship and fellowship at Dr. Kim’s house. To get there, we all piled into a Toyota Tacoma truck bed and drove on a tiny, one-lane dirt road through the middle of a rice field! Yes, we have video to prove it…coming soon.

During the day, Nick took us on a walk around this village area near the church…we saw a guy plowing with water buffalo (something I never imagined I’d see in person), took a picture with a little boy flying a kite made from garbage bags and sticks, and saw some rice and grass fields and a big flock of ducks. We also saw a big pond full of lotus blossom plants with those gorgeous pink and white flowers that look like something out of a disney movie. We also saw a calf (SOOOOOO CUTE…about the size of a very big goat with big floppy ears and round eyes.) I really wanted to pet it, but it was terrified of me and tried to bolt (it was tied to a fence). So, we had to settle for a picture.

We also saw a public school/buddhist temple (it functions as both). it was guarded by two fierce geese who honked at us and pretended to attack (but chickened out at the last minute…thank goodness!). The temple commemorated a god represented by a snake with 5 heads. quite terrifying.

We’ve eaten all our meals at the missionary house and they’ve actually been overfeeding us…..Anthony is happy with the food and snacks–most of the baked goods here are very plain, so he’s in heaven. He’s particularly fond of these tiny muffins that taste like angel food cake. they contain extra protein from all the dead ants baked in, since the bakers can’t keep the ants out of the sugar. Yes, I ate ants. ;) They didn’t taste like anything.

Nick loves all his presents–the beef jerkey, guitar strings, markers, dictionaries, and lava cake mix. There aren’t any ovens here as we know them in the States…there are clay pots stacked on top of charcoal, then covered on top with charcoal to provide dual heat sources. That’s how the little muffins are baked, so we’re pretty sure we can modify that technique to make lava cake. :)

We were also able to see the land Nick has purchased–he’s going to plant banana trees and some other fruit trees sometime during Feb or Mar of next year.

The pace of life here is very slow….lots of time to rest and walk and lots of time when you can’t get anything done that requires electricity. There is no infrastructure here for water or power, so BFS has a diesel generator and a water purification system (just installed 3 weeks ago, lucky for us!). The water pressure comes from a pump powered by the generator, and from the location of 2 tanks on top of a 3 story building. It provides running water only when the generator is on. For the other times, we have a big bucket of water and a bowl to pour the water (meaning most of the time we take birdbath showers). We’re SO lucky to have Western style toilets in the missionary housing. Before the water purification system was in place, ALL the water for feeding/bathing 400 + people had to be purchased or boiled. the school directors decided to get the purification system when a crisis occurred a few months ago making it impossible for them to obtain enough clean water.

Did you know that geckos make squeaking sounds? They do. in fact, they’re pretty noisy at night. We’re happy to share our rooms with geckos since they eat bugs that could bite us. Our DEET is working–fingers crossed, we haven’t rec’d any bug bites yet.

Dec 3 we’re going to Siem Riep to see Ankor Wat and several of the other temples in that complex. We also hope to visit the famous market in that area. We’ll travel via bus, since that’s about $14 USD. A taxi would cost $70 USD. The bus ride is pretty arduous, according to Nick–3-5 hours, but we’ll try to get an “air con” bus to minimize Anthony’s car sickness. We’ll check into a hotel, then see a few sites around the city, then Dec 4 we’ll go see the sunrise at Ankor Wat and also look at the famous “tomb raider” temple: Ta Prohm…it’s the one in the Lara Croft movie with angelina jolie, the one covered with roots and trees and jungle plants. The morning of Dec 5, we’ll leave for another 3-5 hour bus ride to Phnom Penh where we’ll visit the HUGE famous central market and several other sites that Nick has recommended. We may or may not be able to get to the Killing Fields memorial…we’ll see….

gotta go….love to all, thank you for your prayers (they are working) and PLEASE keep us in prayer for safety as we travel without Nick or a translator. ::hugs:: ~Mir and Wunderhub

A good reminder re: “obstacle illusions”

When I was a Boy Scout, we played a game when new Scouts joined the troop.  We lined up chairs in a pattern, creating an obstacle course through which the new Scouts, blindfolded, were supposed to maneuver.  The Scoutmaster gave them a few moments to study the pattern before our adventure began.  But as soon as the victims were blindfolded, the rest of us quietly removed the chairs.  I think life is like this game.  Perhaps we spend our lives avoiding obstacles we have created for ourselves and in reality exist only in our minds.  We’re afraid to apply for that job, take violin lessons, learn a foreign language, call an old friend, write our Congressman – whatever it is that we would really like to do but don’t because of personal obstacles.  Don’t avoid any chairs until you run smack into one.  And if you do, at least you’ll have a place to sit down.

~Pierce Vincent Eckhart

Cambodia, here we come!

On Wednesday night, we’re heading over to Cambodia to hang out with our very dear friend, Nick Yu. If you will, please pray for safety and health on this rather arduous trip. It’s both my and the wunderhub’s first trip to a truly 3rd world area (no plumbing, no sewer systems, generators rather than powerlines, the need to boil water b/c purification tablets don’t work on the hard-shelled microorganisms that live in it).

We just went on a cruise for a family reunion (on the wunderhub’s side, of course), and I got food poisoning. It was pretty brutal for 24 hours–fluids violently exiting my body from whichever orifice they were closer too. As I crouched in the tiny bathroom, I wondered “how would I do this with NO indoor plumbing or running water??”.

I’d *really* rather not find out.

Please pray also for the spiritual aspect of this journey. We would like to be as much of an encouragment as possible to our friend and be open to helping with anything he  needs us to do. I personally don’t feel as spiritually prepared for this experience as I’d like, and that’s a bit scary.

Please pray for safety–there are still tons of landmines in Cambodia, grave government corruption, and a high level of street crime. We will be in fairly benign areas (at the school where our friend works and in tourist attractions like Ankhar Wat), but it’s still an unfamiliar and unstable area.

Much love to all and thank you!

VOTE VOTE VOTE!! :)

Yippee!

I voted. I love living in America, even with all the frustration. ::mega sigh:: I also love that I get to be a part of an election in which we have a person of color and a female (Go Sarah-Barracuda!) in the candidate pool–this is a first for me in my voting lifetime.

It’s my birthday, and all I want to do is sit in front of a TV with my laptop in lap and follow the coverage. As my friend, Rachel, said, at least I know that HALF of the country will be celebrating with me…just not which half! :)

I can’t wait to see the voter turn-out numbers…this has GOT to be a record election–it’s so beautiful to see people reinvigorated and willing to be involved in the political process. The next challenge: get people JUST as excited about casting an INFORMED vote….

I heart the internet and google

The internet can be exasperating and medicore at times, but occasionally it does something to make my life SO MUCH EASIER! Like today–I’d been frustrated with our label maker at work. It puts a one inch margin on either side of the text–TOTALLY wasteful (the cardtridges are $15-$20 each)!If you’ve ever worked with labels, you know that they have massive internal menus but they’re a bit unscrutable and hard to access. And we didn’t have our user manual.

So, I googled “label maker uses too much tape”, got a link to a forum at 43 folders, and learned (from someone with my same gripe) that the Brother P-Touch label maker has a “margin” setting that can be reset.

A helpful commenter noted that manufacturer puts all its manuals online in pdf format. I went to the Brother site, found my manual, and about 2 minutes after I’d typed in my search, my labelmaker’s margins were reset to “none” instead of “full”.

SWEET!!

Yup. In spite of how scary and hell-bent-on-world-domination google is getting, I still heart google and the internet.

quick update

Let’s see…what’s been going on….

• Travel:

The wunderhub and I are officially destined for Cambodia on Thanksgiving (Lord willing and the creek don’t rise!). We’re visiting our dear friend, Nick, and doing some sightseeing for about 2 weeks. We’re also slated to celebrate the 80th birthday of the Wunderhub’s grandma on a 5 day cruise to various parts of Mexico. A cruise is definitely not something I’d choose to do for fun, but I’m absolutely thrilled at the thought of spending 5 whole days with 30-40 family members who I never get to see. What a treat! Oh yes: and there will be a karaoke competition. :-D

• Health

I’ve been lifting weights and working with an astonishingly affordable personal trainer. I LOVE how strong resistance training makes me feel. No change (i.e., reduction!!) in my weight yet, but I feel so good that I don’t care all that much….at least on days when I’m feeling less shallow. I also just recovered from the WORST COLD I’ve had in I-can’t-remember-how-long. I’m still hacking up gunk out of my lungs, but at least I can sing again! (gotta train for that karaoke competition).

• Audrey (my dear Rav 4)

got crunched on the freeway. Thankfully, she’s fixed and since she absorbed most of the impact, her driver (yours truly) has no injuries, not even any residual soreness. More on that whole experience in a separate post.

• School

I MISS SCHOOL! I didn’t enroll in classes this quarter/semester b/c of all the traveling we plan to do, but now I’m going absolutely bonkers now that school is starting without me. :( I have an absurd amount of things I can and have started to learn on my own though (quilling, embroidery, knitting, altered clothing-making, altered-book-making, collaging, beading), so I just need to channel my antsiness into ummm, artsiness. :) (yup, my corniness apparently knows no bounds).

• Work

I adore my job. I look forward to seeing and interacting with my coworkers, and I learn something new every day. While the pay is still pretty heinous, the flexibility and general awesomeness of everything else is keeping me very happy. I’m so very blessed to have this job.

• Words

I’m currently obsessed with anything written by Annie Dillard and by this phrase from the song “Warm Whispers” by Missy Higgins: “and I am weeping warm honey and milk”. Seriously….it’s the craziest image and my mind goes in so many directions with it. (Thanks to Lindsey Pilgreen, my fellow Cal Poly alum for introducing the song to me!)

• Critter

Our 17-human-years-old puppy is not eating solid foods and we can’t figure out why. This is extremely sad for the wunderhub and m’self. I’ve gotten pretty good at doctoring up the one thing she’ll eat this week: cream of chicken soup. I’ve started making it with half-and-half, just to get some more calories in her. Tomorrow, I’ll try pureeing some of her wet food into it to see if she’ll drink that up. Please pray that God will be merciful to all of us in this situation.

whole-body helping

Our dog is a few months shy of her 17th birthday (in human years) and is experiencing some hip problems (weakness, stiffness, etc). More and more often, I find her sitting bewildered on the kitchen floor as she tries to figure out why she can’t just stand up.

This evening I found her in a similar predicament. I leaned over to help her and, using only my hands, tried to pull her up off the floor. This succeeded only in pulling her torso to a 90 degree angle over her back legs, not helping her situation at all.

The only thing that worked was for me to lean over her completely, wrap as much of her body in my arms as possible, pull her in against my torso in a giant bear hug, and then straighten, so that all 4 of her legs lifted equally and had a chance to gain purchase on the floor.

As we both walked our separate ways (me to the washer and she to her food bowl), I was struck by how even in a small, insignificant gesture like this, just how involved I had to be to actually help her. I couldn’t absent-mindedly lend a helping hand–my entire attention and body had to focus on her in that moment.

I wonder how many times I “help” others in a cavalier or less-than-focused frame of mind…and how much damage I do or how much effectiveness I lose by doing so.  This was a good reminder to be fully involved in my interactions with others–a “life as ministry” philosophy, like the one that Barbara discusses here.

yummy food to take to work…

One awesome thing about my job is that there is NOWHERE to eat anywhere within feasible walking or driving distance, and since I only have 30 minutes for lunch, bringing food is a must. I’m so grateful for the removal of any temptation to eat out (except for occasional staff meetings at Panera). However, it’s taken me a month (and several lunch-times spent hungrily foraging in the breakroom cupboards) to remember that prepping lunches takes ummmm, planning and cooking ahead. :)

I’ve been enjoying Kirstin’s cooking blog, and thought I’d try her orange tofu stirfry. I barely followed the recipe, and it was still AMAZING. I made it using a bag of Trader Joe’s “Greens with Envy” (green beans, spinach, edamame, and broccoli), a package of firm tofu, soy sauce, and a heaping teaspoon of red curry paste. WOW! I NEVER would have thought that soy sauce and red curry would be good together, but they’re an extraordinarily savory, satisfying combination. (I didn’t have time to marinate the tofu, but I *did* put it in the oven, cubed, for 20 minutes, and it made stir frying the tofu infinitely easier. The texture is exquisite with the baking/stir-frying technique). Finally, I sprinkled some raw flax seeds over the whole dish (I can’t get enough of flax seeds–the texture and taste are just out of this world). It smelled so good that I had to quickly put it in the fridge so that it would last ’til tomorrow’s lunch. :)

I’ve also been trying to eat more whole fruit, so I chopped up 3 apples and tossed them with pineapple juice (a tip suggested by Tammy, to avoid the unpleasant tartness that comes with using lemon juice). I hulled 1 lb of strawberries (the Wunderhub likes to eat ‘em dipped in sweetened condensed milk), and rinsed/de-stemmed a bunch of grapes.

This week also marks the start of renewed emphasis on physical fitness. I found someone to help me with weight/endurance training, and my first session is tonight. SWEET!

looking forward to silence…

The Wunderhusband and I are attending a silent spiritual retreat this coming weekend. We’ve never done anything like this before, and I can’t wait to see where 2 concentrated days of directed, disciplined meditation, prayer, and Scripture reading take us.

Has anyone else done a silent retreat? Do you have any tips that you wish you’d known before you went?
Any advice on debriefing together after the event?

la vita e bella

• Perhaps the closest thing to understanding beauty on this earth is knowing that goodness, happiness, and unending love exist alongside horrific suffering, evil, and misery.

• Perhaps one’s purpose lies in discovering how to nurture and inspire the former, wherever and whoever one may be.

he flung himself loose into the stars

“The forest floor was soft and familiar underfoot; the papery, pitchy fir cones stuck to Hugh’s bare feet as they had when he was a boy in Goshen. The dense welter of trees hid the sky completely. After a long walk, he heard the voices. Will Ruffin called to him, Vinnie called to him, and he held the lantern up to find the fir trunk down which their voices fell. He climbed the tree one-handed on many rungs, emerged at a high platform, and pulled himself up.

Hugh found a dozen unrecognizable people on the platform, and heard unfamiliar voices. Cyrus Sharp was there, taller than Aunt June. Hugh held the lantern aloft and saw it illumine the stiff boughs of trees; he set the lantern down. He stripped to his union suit, and somebody handed him the heavy knotted rope. He could feel Vinnie low beside him, shivering and excited in the dark. Her wide skirts and many petticoats nudged his bare ankle once, then twice, and a pang ran through him. Before his eyes in every direction he saw nothing: no pond, no ocean, no forest, sky, nor any horizon, only unmixed blackness.

“Swing out,” the voices said in the darkness.

“Push from the platform, and when you’re all the way out, let go.”

When? he thought. Where?

The heavy rope pulled at him. He carried it to the platform edge. He hitched up on the knot and launched out. As he swung through the air, trembling, he saw the blackness give way below, like a parting of clouds, to a deep patch of stars on the ground. It was the pond, he hoped, the hole in the woods reflecting the sky. He judged the instant and let go; he flung himself loose into the stars.”

~Annie Dillard, The Living, final page.
A beautiful passage that vividly expresses how I feel about life right now. I think I’m at the “standing on a platform surrounded by unfamiliar voices and darkness” stage right now. It isn’t terrifying. Just madly disconcerting. But I know the stars are all around me: above, below, twirling in all directions. And I can’t wait to “swing out” and fling myself into them, trusting in the One who Dante passionately refers to as “the love that moves the sun and other stars.”