re-learning

One of the best things about our year in CT was the glorious natural beauty of the East Coast. We were in an suburban setting, but our city was still filled-to-bursting with trees, vines, flowers, rivers, streams, cardinals, bluebirds, robins, badgers, woodchucks, squirrels, swans, ducks and geese. And we were 3 miles from a tiny, beautiful beach, also filled with trees!

Even a simple drive to the grocery store was filled with jaw-dropping beauty that changed with the seasons–stunningly gold and red leaves in the fall, snow piled in unimaginable shapes on top of branches in the winter, fluttering swirls of pink flower petals in the spring, and shades of green so bright that they almost hurt my eyes in the summer.

Returning to our extremely suburban, smog-filled CA neighborhood was painful at first. River used to call out “GREEEEEN TREEES!!” whenever we drove in CT. In CA, she seamlessly switched to “BRRROOOOWNNN TREEES” with the same amount of enthusiasm.

Driving around without her, I felt my spirit sink at the site of rampant graffiti, trash-filled train yards, brown-brush-covered hills, endless freeways with comparatively no plant life growing alongside them, ugly, utilitarian buildings and houses, and the overly industrialized feel that our area has.

But driving around *with* my toddler-bug completely changed how I saw the same things. Instead of wincing at how close the garish RV dealership is to our home, I saw the pretty, fluttering, colorful flags that she squealed in delight over. The train yard was simply the COOLEST THING EVER in her eyes–because there were TRAINS that went “CHOO CHOO!!!!” The graffiti was something that added colors to our drive, and the brown, sad (in my eyes) trees were still trees that swayed in the wind, which meant they were just as exciting as the gorgeous, green, masses of trees that I was mourning.

Now that we’ve been back for several months, I’m able to admire more things–the beautiful views of the mountains when the air is clean, the jaw-droppingly colorful sunsets that we get because our air is so dirty, our long, long, sun-filled days, Grocery stores that have an abundance of parking. The glorious amount of ethnic and specialty cuisine and food items that are readily available.

And while I still miss our little beach and being 1/4 mile from both a Children’s Museum and a park, I’m delighted to be closer to the people we love and to be back in our own home. It’s nice to live in a place we own (rather than rent) and be able to customize it to what we need. I’m grateful for Riverbug’s joyful perspective to help me see the beauty around me, even in unexpected places. 

Remembering

This time 2 years ago:

I was painfully driving myself to the hospital to spend hours snuggling with my baby girl in the NICU.

I’d take forever to climb into the car and position a pillow between my c-sectioned tummy and the seatbelt. I always tried not to think too much about what would happen to my insides if I was in a car accident.

I remember that deep, unsettling ache at my incision site and how much it hurt as I took tiny, snail-paced steps through the parking lot.I didn’t really care that I had to walk at a snail’s pace–it was such a relief to not need a wheelchair!

I remember how loved it made me feel when my mom bought me some cable-knit, sweater-y leggings and a beautiful, pink and lavender sweatshirt to wear on my nightly treks to the hospital. Every time I wore them, I felt like I was getting a hug from her.

Walking through the automatic doors in  the hospital lobby (with a sigh of relief at not having to open a heavy door by hand) always made me smile, no matter how tired I felt. The lobby was brimming with a sparkling, Santa’s village, potted pointsettias, and a giant display of gingerbread houses made by local children.

Sloooowly making my way to the elevator, I admired the waxed, tile floors, kept in pristine condition by the janitorial staff.

Since the hospital was for children, I frequently saw very ill children and their parents in the elevator. It put my experience into perspective. I was just waiting for my baby girl to grow and learn to drink milk on her own.

The whole experience was such a study in contrasts–yes, my baby girl was in the NICU and not home with me. But I got to snuggle her in a reclining chair and stare out the NICU window at the pretty Christmas lights that decorated the balcony below us. Even this year, driving past the hospital and seeing those same Christmas lights brings tears to my eyes.

Yes, I had to pump milk in a hospital with nurses going in and out (or else trek to a pumping room down the hall)….but I had access to a pump and I was able to make the best possible food for my tiny girl.

As the month wore on, it got harder and harder to leave the NICU. I put on a cheerful smile, only left when River was sleeping (it was impossible to leave during those few waking hours), and then cried to my mom on the phone when I was out where the nurses couldn’t see me. I worried that if they saw me cry, they’d think I was weak and unable to care for her and that this might factor into when she’d be able to come home. In retrospect, this was a bit silly.

Yet, on a daily basis, I heard nurses murmuring about a baby who hadn’t made it, or a baby who was still in the NICU, 6 months after being born…or a baby with severe complications of prematurity. Hearing this always reminded me of how great my situation really was, and of how many things I could be deeply grateful for.

I remember carrying River’s empty car seat into the elevator, taking it to the NICU so that they could see if she could maintain her breathing and oxygen saturation levels while in the seat. I was thrilled, as this indicated that River would be strong enough to come home soon. A brand new father joined me in the elevator with his tired but beaming wife. They had been in the hospital for 2 days and were taking their healthy, full-term baby home. Blinded by his own joy, the father boisterously joked, “Hey! Where’s the baby?” indicating River’s empty seat. I was surprised at how much his question hurt. I wasn’t upset that his baby was going home and mine wasn’t. It just hurt to have to face how much I wanted her to come home and that she couldn’t.

I remember our amazingly supportive friends and family–bringing food, praying, rejoicing at our updates and pictures, posting encouraging Facebook messages, sending flowers….I remember feeling surrounded and held by that love.

I remember the NICU nurses–sweet, informative, bustling, efficient, gossipy, funny, and invaluable in making me feel empowered and knowledgeable enough to care for such a tiny, fragile person. I loved that River’s high-pitched, preemie cries were “loud” to them, and that they marveled at her expressiveness and strength despite her size. I loved that they rejoiced at her progress and were as excited as we were when she moved to a crib from an isolette.

I will never forget the day they told us that in 24 hours, we’d be taking her home. I bustled around the house making sure it was perfect. I took our car and her carseat to a CHP office to have an officer install it so that it would be as safe as possible. I skipped my NICU visit that day so that everything could be perfect and ready for River’s return. The next morning, as we got ready to leave, making sure our camera and her “going home” outfit were packed in the car, my cell phone rang. “I’m sorry,” the doctor said. “River hasn’t gained any weight for the last 2 days, so we’re not going to be able to release her today.”

Keeping my voice bright, I replied, “Oh, OK. Well, we’ll just come over and spend some time with her then.”

Hanging up the phone, I dissolved into tears, crumpling onto the couch as I tried to relay the information to the husband. “Maybe she didn’t gain any weight because I skipped yesterday’s visit,”I irrationally worried. “Maybe she felt abandoned and was overly stressed….”

I was so sad and out of it that I left my cell phone in the car. By the time I realized it was there (the following morning), the NICU had called my parents trying to reach us, and they called the husband’s phone. We called the NICU and they said that River COULD come home…but that the doctor who could release her had already gone home for the day, since we’d taken so long to return their call.

The nurses called his cell phone and the doctor TURNED HIS CAR AROUND, drove back to the hospital, and did all the paperwork with us so that we wouldn’t have to wait another day to bring our little girl home. What a compassionate man.

And we had our little girl home for Christmas.

And 2 years later, her delight in the Christmas season is more heart warming and hilarious than I ever could have imagined: “Sparkly TREES!”

Thank you, God, for Christmas, for family, and for letting us bring our little girl home.

Life with a 2 year old Riverbug

Well, my Riverbug turned 2 years old this month. I have to say that 2 year old River is even more fun than 1 year old River.

Language:

Some of her recent “isms”:

“Sunshine! It smells GOOD!”

“I sleep [in] a toddler bed!”

“I get you another one” (talking to her “Miss Spider” stuffed toy as she tucked the critter into bed and got her a second blanket).

“I remember your dogs” (to our friend who has 3 adorable, tiny dogs that River fell in love with).

“I DON’T like it!” (this is said more often than I’d like, but she says it SO clearly that it’s still hilarious).

“In a Grandma-house!” (whenever we visit my mom).

“Hands are grubby! I need to wash them!”

And I love, love, LOVE how she’s starting to quote her favorite lines from Dr. Seuss and other books. And yes, we still read loads of books on a daily basis.

Physical:

We have liftoff! Yes, indeed we have TWO-FOOTED, unassisted jumping! She regularly jumps up and down, multiple times in a row, and has jumped off of a slightly elevated surface twice. The funny thing is that her very first jump (at 23 months) was the result of being mad at me for not picking her up. She had asked to be picked up while I was doing something in the kitchen, so I said “Not right now.” She got annoyed at being turned down and loudly said, “Up UP with MAMA!!!”, swung her arms up above her head and completed her first successful, both-feet-off the ground jump. We were so excited that we started clapping, and she forgot to be mad and started practicing her jumps. :)

She’s also getting much taller and actually wears size 2Tclothes! And they don’t fall off! I’m not sure how heavy she is, but we have found 4 children her age that are either her size or smaller, so she’s definitely catching up to her peers in weight and height.

We’re hoping to start swim and dance lessons this month.

Art:

She enjoys coloring and drawing circles, lines, and “dots”. We made some lovely Christmas presents for the relatives this year using her art (tutorial to come after the holidays, as we don’t want to spoil the surprise!!). My goal is to do more playdough and gluing projects with her in the near future.

Food:

She’s finally starting to eat more like an 18-20 month old. Although she’s still behind her full-term peers, she now eats more solid food than pureed food, and she’s finally able to chew and swallow animal protein like chicken and turkey. She still takes a bottle 2-4 times a day, but we’ve transitioned to a mixture of formula, coconut oil,  and milk and are moving toward eliminating the formula. I found some organic, lactose free milk (FINALLY!) at the supermarket of all places, and she seems to enjoy the taste of it and hasn’t had a negative reaction to it just yet. I’m being very, very careful to introduce it slowly, as the last few times I’ve tried to give her milk, her tummy did not appreciate it.

She also loves whole-milk yogurt and organic cheese, edamame, broccoli, pasta, corn, pickles, crackers, rice, eggs (only from Dad’s plate), deli turkey (depending on the day), ice cream, peanut butter (but only from a spoon), and my pureed carrot soup. She’s also still an adventurous “taster” and will try anything off of our plates. I’m taking the “big picture” approach to her diet, making sure that I look at what she eats on a weekly basis rather than freaking out if when she eats almost nothing or a barely varied diet on a particular day.

Social:

She’s definitely more accustomed to adults than to kids her age. She’s slowly getting better at being friendly with other toddlers and babies and is FINALLY interested in playing with them. I find that “neutral territory” (e.g., a location that is NOT one of the toddler’s homes) is much better for conflict-free play dates. She really enjoys playing with other children when they’re not playing with her toys (and this holds true in reverse for the other toddlers we’ve visited). Obviously, she needs to work on sharing, but it’s nice to know that she can be friendly and sweet to other kids.

She’s going through a LOVELY independent phase and is letting lots of other people hold her, hug her, play with, and read to her. This is SO nice when we visit friends since it means that I don’t have her begging me to hold her the entire time.

Skills:

We’re working on potty training. I haven’t really done a full-court press on this, but I need to. Ugh. I’m just not looking forward to the messes I’ll be cleaning up. She uses the potty several times a day, sometimes before she’s gone in her diaper and other times right after. So, her awareness is definitely there.

She can feed herself using a spoon, fork, or her hands and she can also drink from a small cup, all with reasonable accuracy. SWEET! She can also sort-of blow out birthday-cake candles and LOVES to assist any birthday girl/boy with their candles too. I have the sweetest picture of her “helping Dada” blow out the candles on his cake.

She’s getting better at washing her hands and just this week started to turn the kitchen sink faucet on and off by herself (THANK GOODNESS–I was getting tired of the back and forth). She loves to brush her teeth and wash her hair and body in the shower (not bath–shower). She also dusts the floor with a dustmop and can mist plants with a small spray bottle, and water plants with a small watering can.

Mushy Stuff:

Her smile is absolutely electric–I can actually feel mischief and energy radiating from those sparkling eyes. And I love that she’ll occasionally grab my face and kiss my cheek or hug me in a giant outburst of affection, as if she just can’t contain her feelings anymore. And while I look forward to the whiny phase ending, I love the outpouring of verbal expression that comes with this developmental phase. YAY for the terrific twos! :)

 

Gluten Free, (mostly) Soy-Free, and Low-Sugar Update

I’ve been very blessed recently with reasonable energy (not needing naps daily) and with a growing toddler who can do a bit of sustained, independent play, meaning that I can get more labor-intensive food preparation done with less distraction!

After doing some more reading on going gluten-free to combat the thyroid destruction that comes with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, I’ve realized that some people recommend going TOTALLY GF…as in, eating as if you have Celiac Disease and striving to remove every molecule of gluten from your diet.

Honestly, at this point in my life, that just sounds insane. I enjoy eating out at restaurants with friends and at other people’s houses. Eating is a very social, emotional, meaningful activity, and I don’t want to complicate it even more than going GF already has.So, for now I’m going to do my best, meaning that I’m going as GF/Soy Free as possible while staying sane and not thinking about food all the time.

A WONDERFUL (with one caveat) resource that I’ve found? A cookbook titled Gluten Free Artisan Cooking, by Kelli and Peter Bronski.They have a lovely blog on which they share some of their recipes and their most important discovery–their whole grain, artisan, GF flour blend. It was such a relief to run across this blend–it’s made of brown rice flour, sorghum flour (a wonderful, nutrient-rich seed), corn starch, 2 kinds of potato flour, and xanthan gum. I am now on my second 12-cup batch of this flour (I mix it up in advance so that it’s easier to make their recipes), and have made the following from their book: Yellow Cake, Pie Crust for apple pie, Waffles, Pizza, and Corn Bread.

Their recipes are designed to taste delicious and have beautiful textures. They’re both hardcore foodies (she’s a baker and he’s Italian), so they really care about the appearance, texture and taste of their foods. I haven’t been disappointed with any of the recipes.My favorite so far has been the cornbread–it was fluffy, light, deliciously nutty with a pleasantly distinct cornmeal flavor, and not too dry. All of my non-GF tasters loved it, and I had no trouble finishing off what was left the next day.

The only caveat is that their flour mixture takes a while to get used to. The cake I made gave me and my taster tummy aches (admittedly, we both ate 3 servings of it)–I think that sorghum is so foreign to our guts that our tummies reacted by getting gas-y, which caused some pain. I experienced the same thing with the pizza. However, the Corn Bread didn’t do this to me, probably b/c it has a lot of cornmeal and just a small amount of the flour blend. It took me about 2 weeks of eating recipes made with this flour blend to get to a point where my tummy isn’t surprised by the blend.

Looking at some of the reviews of the book on amazon, at least one person professed to be unable to digest sorghum, and thus returned the book. So, I’m not alone in having a reaction to the sorghum.

Another thing that I LOVE about this cookbook is its focus on whole, “real” ingredients, as well as recreating comfort foods. The only unusual ingredients that they use are their flours–everything else is easy to find and tastes great. I’m looking forward to trying their cinnamon roll recipe, as well as their recipe for soft, chewy GF chocolate chip cookies.

Some people on amazon complained about the fact that the Bronski’s include recipes that are “naturally” GF (e.g., a few rice recipes, several ethnic recipes, sweet potato recipes, oven-fry recipes, etc). I actually liked this inclusion b/c it’s a good reminder that many cultures’ foods are naturally GF (Hispanic, Asian, African), so eating GF doesn’t mean that one has to modify every single recipe.

Some other resources: A Facebook friend of mine recommended these two recipe blogs:

Oh She Glows (tasty, nutrient rich, vegan and frequently GF recipes)

and

MELOMEALS, a vegan, frugal recipe site maintained by a chef. If you click on the link, you’ll get to my current fave recipe on her site–the Chunky Monkey Mug Cake with Banana Pecan Ice Cream. :)

Happy Gluten Free Munching!

Workout #2

Did a repeat of the 20/20 Workout from Blogilates. Subbed squats for Burpees and only did 5 Elbow Pushups (arms were super weak from the tricep dips).

Time: 24 minutes

Overall feeling–my core feels a bit more stable and my back is less sore while exercising. Feeling more in tune with my body–e.g., when I was doing crunches, I focused on not straining my neck by noting how much of my upper back was coming off of the floor with each crunch and trying to get a little more of it off the floor with the next crunch.

Workout #1

So, as a way of keeping track of my progress and which workouts I enjoy, I’m chronicling my workouts here! Sorry if it’s boring. However, if you’re like me and aren’t naturally athletic but want to be in shape, perhaps you’ll enjoy the workouts I discover on this journey.

Stats:

Weight: 131.8 (first thing in the morning)

Height: 5’3″

Today’s workout:

The 20/20 Workout (substituted crunches for Burpees)–here’s the video demo of all the included exercises.

Time to complete: 25 minutes (I know, I know)…

and the “Muffin Top Meltdown“, both from Cassie at Blogilates.

I was able to do these during River’s naptime and I worked up quite a sweat! Since my core strength is something I want to build up, this Pilates-based workout is perfect for me. :) It was embarrassing to slowly huff and puff my way through these, but I completed them with good form, which is what counts at this point.

7 Quick Takes

1) Now that she can speak clearly and eloquently about almost anything she wants, River has begun the timeless, elongate-the-bed-time-routine quest that all toddlers embark on. Tonight’s attempt was so cute and funny that I thought I’d share. She called me in about 15 minutes after she went to bed, then proceeded to ask for: “blanket”. Then, “2 blankets?” then “Wee Pooh again sing” (Musical Winnie the Pooh that was mine when I was a tot), “hug”, and then for “milk”. Pretty impressive for a first attempt! :)

2) We’re getting so close to having the house fully liveable. It’s clean, pretty, neat (!!), and massively decluttered. Our next huge project is to reorganize the garage, and we also have tons of those little, annoying, outrageously time consuming projects that come up when you’re a homeowner. Still, it’s nice to not be buried in boxes, clutter and a year’s worth of dust.

3) I’m experimenting with gluten free baking. Thus far I’ve had 1 unqualified success (Hot & Spicy Brownies), 1 delicious but hideous looking success (Incredible Hulk Bread), and am looking forward to seeing how these Chocolate Chip Cookie Pancakes with Cashew Creme turn out (I’m waiting to make them until I’ve eaten the Hulk bread). I’m extremely impressed with how much better my whole grain, homemade, from-scratch, gluten free products are when compared to commercially available items. Sadly, most gluten free breads and desserts sold in stores are designed to mimic food made with white flour, so they’re bland, overly sweet, have awful texture AND are unhealthy. Not something I want to eat or spend money on! Thank goodness for the internet community of GF health nuts! :)

4) I’m extremely homesick for the East Coast Autumn weather. The Fall season was so stunningly beautiful (and fleeting!) last year that it I’m pining for it this year. Experiencing it once was NOT enough, and there are so many fun crafts that require real autumn leaves and dried plants… ::sigh:: Also, I’m realizing that I was too tired from our cross country move, River being 11 months old and waking up 4 times a night, the wunderhusband working insane hours, and adjusting to living somewhere unfamiliar to fully experience my first (and only!) East Coast fall.

5) I AM, however, thrilled to be back in the land of fabulous and easily accessible Mexican food and frozen yogurt!! I didn’t really crave fro yo in CT b/c it was virtually non-existent. However, now that it’s around every corner, I’ve had it FIVE TIMES in 2 weeks! And I’ve lost count how many times I’ve eaten Mexican food. :) Mmmm. Good stuff.

6) The wunderhub and I actually agree on the arrangement of River’s playroom. We tend to have pretty divergent aesthetic preferences, but we both love how her play space has turned out. I will post “before and after” pictures soon!

7) I REALLY miss having a finished attic like we did in CT. That small, dust-free, easily accessed room was such a wonderful place to store seasonal items or things used once a week….I think about it wistfully at least once a day! Makes me realize how important it is to have a well designed house. Even though I’ve radically pared down my non-essential items, there are still so many things that I’d like to have easy (non-garage) access to but don’t want in my main living space. A walk-up attic is the PERFECT solution for that (things like seasonal decorations, clothes that River isn’t quite ready for but that I don’t want to forget about, giant winter coats that aren’t necessary yet, or even things like my gift-wrapping station). Our next house needs to have a good attic! :)

Blessings to you, and have a lovely weekend.

Why Go Gluten/Soy/mostly-Sugar Free?

It’s funny. For YEARS now–at least ten years–I’ve been toying with the idea of eliminating refined sugar, eating vegan, or eliminating processed foods.

I generally love vegan and raw foods, enjoy whole foods, and feel better when I avoid lots of processed items.

However, my weakness has been–and probably always will be–sugar and sweet baked goods. I LOVE me a perfect cupcake, buttery-crusted berry pie, or meltingly-fresh-from-the-oven, made-from-scratch, chocolate-chip cookie. Take me to a restaurant with a twenty page wine list, and I’d rather see their dessert menu.

Also, I love artisan breads, muffins, pastries, etc.

In this first-world, American society in which I live, wheat and refined-grain products are omnipresent. It’s so easy to eat a bowl of wheat-based cereal for breakfast, have a whole wheat-bread sandwich for lunch, snack on cookies or crackers (wheat flour), and then have a dinner that includes–you guessed it–some sort of wheat-based item (bread, pasta, tortillas, pita, croutons).

These things are all relatively low calorie, often tout their “whole grain goodness”, and are easy and cheap to obtain.

So, I needed an extremely compelling reason to make the radical shift to push wheat and gluten out of my life.

And that reason came in the form of my thyroid. I’ve recently been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, an extremely common form of hypothyroidism. When I read that 1) there’s no cure (once the gene that carries it “activates”, there’s no way to turn it off) and 2) it creates antibodies that systematically destroy your thyroid, I went on a researching rampage.

There was NO way that I was going to NOT find a way to at least slow the destruction of my thyroid.  What I discovered was that there’s a link between gluten sensitivity/intolerance and Hashimoto’s. It’s theorized that both are an autoimmune response and that if you eliminate the aggravation caused by the gluten, you can reduce the antibodies that are attacking your thyroid.

Similarly, eliminating refined sugar has a similar effect.

Finally, consumption of soy products has been found to be less-than-ideal for people with impaired thyroid function, hence my elimination of soy (actually harder to do than gluten!).

So, every time I’m faced with a choice to eat something with gluten, soy or refined sugar, I ask myself: is this worth promoting the destruction of my thyroid? I almost always come up with “No!” as an answer.

However, when I went to Eataly in New York City last week, I enjoyed some gluten-free but by NO means low-sugar desserts. And since I will probably only be there once in my life and since the desserts were out-of-this-world awesome and unique, my answer came up, “Yes!” : )

Having eliminated wheat and sugar from my diet, I’ve experienced what I never thought possible. I don’t crave them! I’ve craved wheat and sugar for as long as I can remember (since I was about 9 years old). Now, I simply don’t.

It’s actually rather weird, and I keep expecting the cravings to return.

It’s not that I’m no longer interested in food–I’m as much of a foodie as ever. I just don’t have those cravings anymore.

What I *have* noticed, though, is that if I make something like a low-sugar, GF cake, I eat WAY too much of it and have a similar, addictive response to it as I used to have to wheat-based, baked goods. So, there’s still a grain dependency to be conquered.

I’ll keep you updated on further developments! :)

New Food Endeavor

I’ve embarked on a New Endeavor: going gluten free and soy free. Also, eating as if I’m insulin resistant (no more than 30 carbs in any 2 hr period + linking carbs with protein when I eat). Oh! And eliminating 95% of refined sugar.

I’ve been doing this for 3 weeks and have been shocked at the difference in how I feel. I wasn’t expecting to feel any different. I chose the dietary changes as a long term means of combating my newly diagnosed Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis (more on this here).

Changes? No more bloating after meals. Ever.

I used to think that getting a bloated tummy after meals (of any size–tiny snacks or a big lunch) was just what happened whenever I ate something other than a smoothie. Apparently, I’ve had gluten sensitivity for quite some time now.

The Insulin Resistance method of eating is extremely simple to follow and is a gentle, effective reminder to avoid mindless eating and to maintain portion control of high carb/low nutrient foods.

I’ve also cut out 95% of refined sugar. I still eat some super-dark chocolate, and I use tiny bits of honey and agave as sweeteners when needed. I just can’t stand Stevia. I bought it in 2 forms–powdered and liquid, and not only does it not truly sweeten things that I put it in, it leaves the WORST, bitter, chemical-ly after taste. Disgusting. I’d rather have the calories and nutrients of honey.

My doctor wants to test for Celiac–if I end up testing positive, I’ll have to be a lot stricter about being gluten free. For now, I’m avoiding gluten and not eating anything with wheat. However, I’m eating foods that don’t contain gluten but that are processed in factories that also process wheat, etc. For someone with Celiac, it’s supposed to be important to avoid as much cross-contamination like that as possible.

I’m also surprised at how do-able it is to eat GF. When I go out, there’s virtually nothing I can eat at fast food places other than salads, but that’s OK. I almost never went to fast food places anyway.

At home, though, as long as I cook primarily Asian/Mexican (sans wheat tortillas, of course) or Indian, there are virtually no changes to be made other than an occasional substitution of arrowroot or cornstarch for flour as a thickener. And, I’m able to eat “whole” foods, not a bunch of processed, bizarre substitutions.

Giving up soy was a drag for me, but I’ve essentially replaced it with quinoa. While I haven’t attempted to make quinoa milk yet, I’m relying heavily on quinoa as my protein and iron rich “fast” food. It’s nice that River loves it too (she calls it “rice”), so we generally have a quinoa dish together at lunch.

There is a wealth of wonderful information online via GF bloggers. What I’m hoping to do now is to find a wonderful recipe for GF bread that I can make at home (I’m not much of a fan of Udi’s as the quality varies too much between batches).

At the top of my “TRY THIS!” list is “The Mother-loaf” from Open-Ended Question. It looks outrageously yummy. I’ll let you know how it turns out!

I’ve already been extremely happy with the “GF Berry Shortcake”  from Simply Sugar and Gluten Free that I made for our 4th of July dessert.

And, as always, Meghan Telpner of Making Love in the Kitchen remains my go-to girl for creative, whole-food, minimal-grain, gluten free, incredibly tasty goodness. :)

in defense of parenting books

Before I became a parent, I unconsciously internalized a disdainful skepticism of parenting books and literature. After all, their advice is the fodder of comedies, and who hasn’t been told that “those books don’t tell you anything about real life” or “every child is unique, and no parenting book is going to tell you what you need to know about him/her.” I also remember hearing older parents (in my parents’ generation) bemoan the disconnect between reality and what they read about parenting.

Still, when I found out that I was pregnant, my natural drive to research pushed me toward the parenting section at my local library. I read, and read, and read. My husband even expressed disbelief that any of my reading would be helpful. He even worried that it would prevent me from seeing our child for who she truly was, since I had so many parenting “lenses” through which I might view her.

One positive: my voracious reading and his skepticism lead to some lively debates over parenting issues and questions that my reading brought up. After all, he and I both had the same goal: to be the best parents possible for our little one.

After River was born, I found that having an arsenal of infant-parenting tips and a general sense of developmental “norms” for babies was immensely helpful and allowed me to better process her behavior and understand her needs. This remained true, even though she was born 2 months early and dealt with several issues that aren’t common to the full-term babies that the books are written for.

This experience reminded me of when I went to Italy, in my senior year of college. In preparation, I took a semester of basic Italian. I cannot begin to describe how helpful that teeny, but vital bit of information was during my trip! Because I had a foundation on which to build, I was able to “pick up” additional vocabulary and to more effectively use my resources (traveler’s dictionary, local signs, etc) than if I had gone with no knowledge. Sure, there were plenty of situations in which I was still clueless or lost, but overall, the preparation was invaluable.

Incidentally, research backs up my experience–in one of my language acquisition classes, I read an article in which a linguist went to a country where he was completely unfamiliar with the language. As an experiment, he immersed himself in the language with great dedication (attempting conversations, befriending locals, going out and listening to the language for hours a day). Yet he found, to his dismay, that he made virtually no progress in learning the language because he knew nothing about how its grammar and syntax functioned, or even what its alphabet was. Just having (or not having, in his case) those bits of knowledge made all the difference.*

Now that River is a toddler, I’m back to my research and am devouring books on toddler activities, development, parenting, discipline, art, reading, Montessori activities, etc. And while she is definitely her own, strong person, the benefit of having some “hooks” on which to hang my new knowledge of her has been, once again, invaluable. In a way, it frees me to see her for the unique person that she is because I have a sense of the developmental “norms,” giving me something to build upon.

Reading so many books on parenting has also forced me to come to identify what issues are important to me and where I stand regarding them. There are so many strong opinions on both sides of any major parenting issue, and interacting with various authors via their books was a nice kick-in-the-pants reminder for me to consider my own stances.

I imagine that as River gets older, and the developmental milestones become less concrete (able to kick a ball) and more general (able to think in abstract terms), perhaps it will be harder to find books that are so directly applicable.

Still, for our infant and toddler experience, I’m beyond grateful for the wealth of written information available. I encourage any new (or experienced!) parent to NOT make the same assumptions that I started with (parenting books = useless) and to see if there are any that resonate with you.

Checking them out from the library is a great way to see which ones are helpful without blowing your diaper-toys-and-nursery-decorating budget! :) Even my badly stocked, underfunded library in CA had more than 30 parenting books on the shelves!

 

* sorry! I can’t remember the name of this article but will update when I find it! :)

listen to your body

So, I’ve had this weird craving for beef for the last few months.

I HATE beef.

The last time I ate beef, I was pregnant. And I still hated it, even while I was eating it to satisfy a craving (the texture, taste…everything is so gross).

Now, 2 years later, I know a lot more about beef production methods, etc., and I only buy grass fed, free range beef for the husband and daughter. Cooking beef grosses me out enough to not want to eat it, even when I know it’s been humanely raised.

So, when I started craving beef, I immediately took a pregnancy test. Negative.

Then I got my iron levels tested at a primary care doctor’s office. Normal.

Then, for a variety of other reasons, I saw a holistic-emphasis endocrinologist, and he did a massive battery of blood tests.

And lo and behold, I have a Ferritin deficiency…an iron deficiency that can be present, even when the regular tests for iron levels show that you’re not anemic.

Plant sources have lots of iron, but the type of iron means that you have to eat a LOT more of the plant sources in order to absorb enough (some sources say that only 2%-8% of iron from plant [non-hem iron] sources is absorbed by the body. Other sources say that non-hem iron is a lot more sensitive to potentially inhibiting dietary factors and that the rate of absorption can vary 20-fold depending on what else you eat that day.

So, my body was telling me to eat hem-iron, and I ignored it. And now my iron stores are depleted.

This all goes to show that you should listen to what your body is trying to tell you. Note to self. ;-)

Saving a life daily

This week, River (19 months) and I took a trip to our neighborhood playground.

It’s a dream of a playground–tons of open-ended, well maintained equipment, and connected-but-separate areas for different ages of children. River and I normally play in the “5 and under” section, but we decided to explore the “5-12″ area. It has a slide made of rolling cylinders that she enjoys going down, and the entire structure is shaped like a giant pirate ship with bridges, ladders and tunnels connecting the various parts.

For the first time ever, we walked around on the ship as we made our way to the slide. I held River’s hand and she was happy to explore until she saw an open section in the structure. It lead to a vertical ladder, and the drop from where we were standing to the sand below was about 7 feet.

She decided that she HAD to walk OFF of the ledge and get to the sand. There was no way for us to safely navigate the ladder, so I tried to distract her by pointing out the cylinder slide. She would have none of it, and actually started to FIGHT me and try to hurl herself off of the 7 foot ledge.

Since I’m at least 6 times her size, I simply picked her up, sung a song, and carried her off the structure to play on something safer.

But I was still in awe at 1) the downside of her fearlessness (normally it’s a beautiful thing) 2) her ignorance of consequences of actions, and 3) her need for parental guidance as a life-saving measure.

It made me wonder how God must feel when we fight his guidance and principles and try to throw our two-foot-tall selves off of seven-foot-tall ledges. And all the while, we’re so sure that this is what we want and need.

When I relayed the story to the husband, he said: “Do you realize that you’re saving River’s life–or at least keeping her from being maimed for life–EVERY day, just by watching and caring for her?”

It’s definitely a humbling thought. And in a few years, when I look back with sadness on how quickly she’s grown, I’ll remind myself: “Thank goodness she’s grown and (hopefully) become wiser and less of a danger to her own existence!”

:)

do it RIGHT the FIRST time (I get it now)

Having been very gently introduced to and inspired by the Montessori philosophy of child development by Meg of Sew Liberated, I dove into researching it before and after River was born.

My local library here in CT has a wealth of primary sources (books written by the founder, Maria Montessori) and teacher-oriented books on the method, and internet is a wealth of illuminating illustrations and real-life examples. I found a combination approach of library and internet research to be vital in exploring this philosophy because it has a lengthy set of carefully thought through principles behind everything it does. The exegesis of these principles just doesn’t show up on the Montessori blogs and websites that I’ve found (and I’ve combed through more than thirty), so the books gave me a much needed foundation for applying these principles.

One particularly odd principle that I came across in the books was the emphasis on teaching a child to do a task by modeling it PERFECTLY. This means that if you’re going to teach your child to, say, scrub a table top with a sponge, you practice doing this activity yourself until you can do it fluidly, perfectly, and clearly. Then, you model it for your little one.

There is even a book that contains lengthy instructions on how to model each “life skills task”–sweeping the floor (even describing your hand placement on the broom, etc).

Naturally, being the brilliant educator that I am, I blew off this principle when I showed River how to clean her outdoor table with a sponge.

She happily dunked her sponge in a basin of water, pulled it out, squeezed the excess water out with both hands, scrubbed diligently at the table, and periodically rinsed the sponge.

I was thrilled. Until I thought about transferring this activity to an indoor table. And I realized that she was squeezing the water out of the sponge AFTER she’d pulled the sponge out of and about a foot away from the basin of water. This wasn’t an issue when we were playing outside….

But I realized to my horror that her current method meant that every time she rinsed the sponge, my floor would get doused with at least 3 oz of water if we moved this activity indoors.

“No worries,” I thought to myself. “I’ll just playfully show her how to squeeze the water out OVER the basin, so that it splashes in. She’ll change her method in no time.”

Well, those of you who interact with toddlers on a regular basis are probably already chuckling at my delusional optimism.

River was NOT thrilled with my proposed change, no matter how fun I tried to make it, and she became even more emphatic about doing it her ORIGINAL way. I left her to her cleaning and am now pondering reintroducing the activity in a week, when she’ll hopefully have forgotten her original method and will be more open to the new and improved method.

But I get it now. TEACH IT CORRECTLY THE FIRST TIME! It’s not just a perfectionistic goal–it’s a practical, time-saving, labor-reducing (in the long run) concept.

:)

Toddler Alphabet Learning

I’ve been doing a lot of alphabet exposure with River, and wanted to share what we’ve been doing and the results we’re seeing.

I hope you’ll take this compilation in the spirit in which it’s given–it’s not meant to pressure or brag. Since I had to do a ton of research to find toddler alphabet materials that I was happy with, I thought it would be nice to list all the ideas that worked for us in one place. The books I mention would also make GREAT gifts for any mom of little ones under 5.

My current philosophy is adapted from the Montessori school of thought. It emphasizes that it’s more important for a pre-reader to know the SOUND of the letters before knowing their names.

I’m not 100% comfortable with just teaching sounds, so I’ve taken the stance that we work on both, and if River knows a letter by sound rather than name, I don’t correct her. (E.g., she currently says the sound for “d” rather than the name of the letter, which I think is fine). This is actually quite helpful b/c the names of letters frequently sound confusingly similar (Example: “B” and “P” are horribly similar in name but much more distinguishable by sound).

Current materials used:

1) Singing the alphabet (since birth)…daily, in the car, at home, as a distraction…MANY MANY times. :)

2) Signing (American Sign Language) and singing the alphabet simultaneously (since birth)

3) Reading

• 12 months–B is for Bear by Roger Priddy. It has textures and fun visuals and was an immediate hit. It also has ONE huge, clear picture per page/letter, which was perfect for a beginning alphabet book.

• 13-14 months–Happy Baby ABC, another Roger Priddy book. The format is a bit busier (usually 2-4 pictures/page, and it’s a smaller book). She didn’t immediately like it, but after a couple of week, she warmed up to it and now it’s a favorite. There are some more advanced objects in this book and some that I think are dumb (like “jigsaw” or “yacht”), but the photos are clear and interesting.

• Dr. Seuss’s ABC. I introduced this around 12 months, and she rejected it. I stopped reading when she pushed the book away, and just kept coming back to it. At 14 months, she would sit through 30-50% of the book if it was read with tons of animation. By 16 months, she loved the whole thing and now at 19 months it’s a daily read.

I cannot recommend this book highly enough–it has produced our most noticeable results (mentioned later), and is thoughtfully written to include accurate, varied usages of each letter. For example, while other ABC books use “Xylophone” for the letter “X”, making it seem like the sound of “X” is actually “zzz”, Dr. Seuss simply says, “X is very useful if your name is Nixie Nox. It also comes in handy spelling ‘ax’ and ‘extra fox.’” Thus, he illustrates the most common and obvious sound of the letter, which is what a pre-reader needs.

• Alphabet, by Matthew van Fleet & Paula Wiseman. Introduced at 15 months. Was an immediate hit–I should have introduced it around 12 months or younger. GREAT textures/tabs and pullouts, and tons of unusual animal names.

4) Magnetic wooden refrigerator letters from Melissa & Doug. (Introduced at 16 months). These are the safest I’ve found b/c there are no small magnets to pose choking hazards. Each letter is coated with a magnetic paint/glaze and adheres strongly to any metal surface (no sliding off). Note: this set comes with both lower and upper case letters, which I think is too much for a little one (52 pieces!!). I usually just put up the upper case letters. It’s a nice set to grow into.

She REALLY enjoyed moving these around on the fridge and being able to take them off and put them back on.

5) Fridge Phonics by Leap Frog. I was skeptical about this toy, as I’m trying to keep electronic toys to a minimum. However, I grabbed this for $8 at a consignment store and gave it a try. Boy am I glad that I did! The toy is very toddler friendly, and builds coordination (fitting the letters into the holder), shows cause and effect (a little song that gives the sound and name of each letter rewards a successful letter placement), and also sings the alphabet to her on demand. She has just started (at 19 months) to echo the singer and to say the sounds and names of the letter.

6) Foam Alphabet Letters in the Bath (any safe brand is fine). I introduced these around 16 months (in retrospect, they’d have been great earlier), and they were a huge hit. At 19 months, she’s starting to identify the letters with some accuracy as she sticks them to the side of the tub.

7) Audio recording of Dr. Seuss’s ABC from the library, just so she can hear another version of the book. We use this occasionally, but she isn’t thrilled with it yet.

Results:

First, River is now 19 months old. In the bath this week, I started reciting Dr. Seuss’s ABC, and when I paused after the rhyme for each letter, she correctly predicted the next letter for all but 3 letters in the alphabet. WOW! And that’s just from reading the book!

E.g., I’d say “Big A, Little A, what begins with A? Aunt Annie’s Alligator, A, A, A”, and she’d pipe up with “B?!?!” and lead into the next verse.

She also has “favorite” letters like “E,” “F,” “S,” and “T” that she can pick out from her magnetic fridge letters.

She enjoys letters and associates alphabet play with fun sounds that we get to play with together during reading time or while I’m cooking and she’s playing with her fridge letters.

She’s not making any effort to sign the alphabet or sing the song, but she’s so obviously engaged with it, that I’m not too concerned about that.

Hope these ideas are helpful–I’d have to say that reading the multiple ABC books aloud and letting her see my mouth form the sounds has been the most helpful thing for her.

Please also note that I’ve given River’s chronological age for each introduction. However, since she was born 2 months early, her developmental age is 2 months younger. So, if I introduced something at 19 months, you may want to introduce it at 17, etc. if your baby was full term. :)

In-depth Review of StraightTalk Wireless Service

As someone who cares about such things, I’ve decided to do a detailed review of Walmart’s Straight Talk Cell Phone Service Plan.

we have “PLEASE!”

It’s a historic day here, in CT! We have our very first use of “please” by the Riverbug.

Normally, whenever I ask or encourage her to say “please,” she gets this look on her face that says, “This is meaningless. I’ve already told you what I want. Why add an extra word? And what does “Please” mean, anyway? If it’s not something edible or something I can play with, why would I say it?”

It’s a hilarious look.

Normally, I just say “please” for her, to remind her that it’s part of civil human interaction. Since most of what she asks for is food, I don’t delay giving her food to enforce her saying “please.” (I REALLY just want her to enjoy eating and to eat as much as possible since she’s such a small mite).

But today was different. I’d handed her a red-white-and-blue pinwheel, and she was asking to hold the second one that was standing on the kitchen counter.

“Do you want the pinwheel, River?”

“Yes, YES!!”

“Say ‘Please.’”

::pause:: I could see the “this is pointless” look play across her face, and she subtly shook her head, pointed to the pinwheel and whined.

“Say ‘Please.’”

::point and yell::

“That’s OK. You don’t have to have the pinwheel if you don’t want to say ‘Please.’”

I turned and starting loading dishes in the dishwasher.

She looked a little puzzled, then pointed again.

“Do you want the pinwheel?”

“Yes, YES!!”

“If you want the pinwheel, say ‘please.’”

“Pweese? Pweese?” (rhymes with “geese”).

YAY!!

And of course, she got the second pinwheel. :)

I’m not fooling myself into thinking that she’ll magically use “please” for everything now, but it’s nice to know that she’s physically capable of saying it. :)

East Coast Update

It doesn’t seem possible that we’ve been here for NINE MONTHS already. Only three more months to go until the husband’s residency is finished, and we head off to …well, wherever we’re heading off to.

Things I will miss about Connecticut:

walking to the children’s museum, park, and gym

trees and flowers growing wild everywhere

the Riverwalk just 1/2 a mile from our house

an abundance of cute creatures, the sitings of which amuse River to no end (squirrels, dogs, cats, badgers, racoons, robins, cardinals, sparrows, bluebirds, geese, ducks, etc)

pedestrian friendly cities

four outrageously distinct, gorgeously spectacular seasons.

the sound of snow whispering to the ground during a quiet snowstorm.

Being only an hour away from NYC

The incredibly well funded public library system. It’s like having my own personal amazon.com/borders/barnes & noble all rolled into one and getting to raid it FOR FREE so long as I bring everything back in two weeks. :) The thought of leaving this behind comes pretty close to bringing me to tears.

Interesting and different ethnic diversity (lots of Eastern Europeans, South Americans, etc–WAY more than in CA)

Having EVERYTHING that I need within 3 miles of my house.

The dangerously awesome children’s consignment stores–so many great toys and clothes for pennies on the dollar! And tons more high end items than in CA.

The surprisingly polite, generous drivers (for the most part)

Feeling safe walking around in my neighborhood, even when it’s just River and me.

Wild hydrangeas in my backyard

Tons of rain pitter-pattering through thousands of trees.

Living three miles from a beautiful, tiny beach filled with trees, tidepools, and playgrounds.

Stew Leonard’s raisin croissants.

Chocopologie.

what it is to hold a happy toddler

Heather Armstrong, of dooce.com, describes the ecstasy of holding a happy toddler….SO TRUE (emphasis mine).

“The only way I can describe what it’s like to hold you as you make these high-pitched, exhilarating outbursts about the simplest of things is, well, use of illegal drugs. People ruin their lives with illegal drugs because they want to feel that feeling I feel when I’m holding you in the morning.

Because it is the purest essence of that which hasn’t been desensitized by pain, loss, disappointment, or failure. It’s the thrilling rush of hope and possibility shooting right into the meaning of what it means to be human: we are alive! We live! Look! Another day to be alive! That is the fundamental principle behind everything meaningful. We are alive to witness.” ~Heather Armstrong

(See the rest of her letter to her daughter Marlo, on Marlo’s second birthday, here).

Food for thought

While this article tells of a situation that is disturbing and sad, I found a lot to hope for after reading it. I mean, if a morbidly anorexic woman can raise a child–a daughter, no less–who is relatively free from eating disorders, then there’s hope for the rest of us moms who struggle to make peace with food.

The article, “I Was Starved of a Normal Childhood,” is one woman’s description of being raised by an incurable, in-denial anorexic whose eating disorder lead to her mother’s early demise at age 48. This woman’s daughter (the author of the article) has obviously done a lot of thinking about and processing of her situation and describes her journey in coming to terms with both her mother’s beautiful qualities as well as her destructive, hurtful behaviors that injured herself and her daughter. It’s worth reading for anyone who has food issues or who knows someone who does.

 

Everything in its place…

River (15 months/13 months adjusted) is going through a “put-everything- away-where-I-think-it-belongs” phase. Today she was walking around carrying a teaspoon. Her pants had come uncuffed, and she slipped and fell.

I called her over, saying, “Come here so I can fix your pants, River.”

She obligingly toddled over, and when I leaned down to fix her pants, she neatly placed the teaspoon she’d been playing with, down my shirt and into my bra.

Everything in its place.

DIY, no-sew, non-slip, baby knee pads!

learning to crawl...it's so arduous!

My daughter just started crawling, and we’re currently in a house with slippery wood floors. She can just barely crawl, and tends to push off of the floor with her knees (rather than fully lifting them), to propel herself forward.

This disqualified the regular (and slippery!) baby knee pads that I saw on amazon.com and various DIY sites–they were just focused on padding and didn’t include non-slip provisions. (Note: lots of people whose babies crawl normally seemed pretty happy with them, so I’m not saying they’re terrible for everyone). :)

The Snazzy Baby knee pads looked WAY too bulky for her little legs, and several reviewers complained that their babies were uncomfortable wearing them.

too bulky!

My first attempt at non-slip baby knee pads was an EPIC fail. I took a pair of baby legwarmers (since I knew they fit), and drizzled them with glue. I figured that the glue would dry as a grippy substance. I forgot that not all glue dries flexibly (there’s a special fabric glue that does, but naturally that’s not what I used).They were stiff and incredibly uncomfortable.

epic fail! too stiff and uncomfortable.

I then thought about chopping off the non-slip pads from a pair of footed PJs and ironing them onto tube socks via fusible web.That COULD work, but was a lot of work….

Which lead me to my next idea….why not just use socks that already have grip? Like slipper-socks?

I took a pair of slipper socks, trimmed off the toe and the material above the heel, slipped them on her legs, and she was off and crawling!

finished in 30 seconds :)

 

I used fleecy-chenille-like textured socks, so they didn’t unravel when cut, thus eliminating any need to hem or finish the edges. They stay in place surprisingly well, even when she’s crawling on carpet. I think it helps to leave the heel of the sock on as extra material to prevent slippage.

not too tight, but they stay on pretty well!

 

Here’s what another version of the sock looks like (before being chopped up).

see the grippy dots on the underside?

 

The socks are made to be “one-size fits all,” so they’re pretty roomy. My daughter’s legs are very small, so there are about 2 inches of extra room inside each pad, so she’ll definitely be able to grow into them.

The down side is that the slipper socks are pretty warm, so I’m not sure how great they’d be during hot weather.

baby knee pads on the go!

For cooler weather, though, they’re flexible and comfortable protection against hard floors AND slippery surfaces!

happy crawling to all!

Lisa Vollrath’s Holiday Printables Giveaway!!

HURRAY!!! It’s HERE!!! The highest quality and most beautifully presented holiday printables giveaway is here!! It’s starts December 1st.

I’m a huge fan of Lisa Vollrath’s work (she operates TenTwo Studios, as well as Lisa Vollrath.com). She’s a uniquely disciplined, prolific, eclectic, and communicative artist with a passion for empowering others to express themselves artistically. I own several of her books (they’re fantastic) and regularly follow her blog and newsletters.

If you want lots of inspiring, useful, FREE, printable/downloadable holiday images, tags, collage material, and who-knows-what-else-may-be-coming-this-year, check out Lisa’s Holiday Countdown Printable Giveaway (she’s giving away 1 holiday themed printable each day).

Happy Birthday, Riverbug!

Happy Birthday, River!

Since your birth, I’ve been continually reminded to never, ever take your presence for granted. From your scary, 2-months-early leap into the world at just 2.5 pounds, to our friend Kirsten losing her darling Ewan-baby so recently, I’m reminded daily that having you in my life is a blessing and privilege. I don’t know why I’ve been given so many of these reminders, but I’m grateful for them; and most of all, I’m grateful for you.

This year of being a Mom has been a whirlwind:

the longest hospitalization of my life (8 days)

 

the longest hospitalization of your life (31 days in the NICU)

 

a glorious, just-in-time-for-Christmas homecoming for you

 

a fun, low-key New Year’s celebration with Auntie Rose

the weird lighting makes it look like we're partying, but we're at home on the couch :)

successfully weathering the RSV/flu season and your many, many vaccines,

 

ending maternity leave and making the decision to be at home with you (I’m so blessed to be able to spend this time with you with your Dad’s support!)

 

your baptism into the Anglican church in the same church where your Dad and I got married

Dennis & Krysta celebrate River's baptism with us (they were in this same church for our wedding too!)

traveling across the continental United States (literally from one end to the other) with you and your Dad and relocating to CT

 

exploring New York City with you

 

and readying ourselves for another year of new experiences.

 

You’re now SIX TIMES LARGER than you were at birth (yep, that’s 15 pounds!). You grab our fingers and pull yourself up to stand. You can sit up like a big girl with no support. You’re endlessly playful, enjoying your toys, exersaucer, walker, bouncy chair, books, blocks, and “Locks & Latches” board.

Your favorite activities are jumping (preferably with someone holding you), playing “horsy” with Dad, and emptying containers of whatever is in them.  You took your first three steps two days ago. You were holding my index fingers and walking toward your toys. As you got near them, you simply let go of my fingers and took 3 steps as if it was the easiest thing in the world. I love the fearless way you go after what you want. You’re also enchanted with the American Sign Language alphabet and even move your fingers to try to imitate the movements when we sign it to you.

Your faux-hawk (you can thank your Dad’s Asian heritage for that) is the source of many compliments when we go out. I appreciate your faux hawk for the “mom street cred” it gives me—it makes me look far more edgy and trend-setting than I actually am. Also, it’s effortless—your hair pops up on its own after a bath, and stays that way no matter what!

On the train to and from NYC, you make eye contact with other passengers, willing them to smile or make faces at you (they always do) and rewarding them with that crinkle-eyed, thousand-watt smile of yours. If they’re very lucky, they’ll even get one of your rollicking, infectious giggles or belly-laughs.

You enjoy eating your melt-away, organic apple and veggie puffs, pureed prunes, butternut squash & corn, oatmeal, fruit purees, cinnamon cookies, and rice cereal.

You can hold your own bottle, but choose to do so only when you feel like it.

Your Dad tried to encourage you to hold your own bottle one day when you didn’t want to. You looked him in the eye and hurled the bottle to the floor, even though you were hungry. Yep, that’s my strong, opinionated girl, already taking a stand!

You’re also increasingly vocal by the day! Every morning, I hear new syllables, consonant combinations, and even entire words from you. It never fails to amaze me, even though it happens daily!

This year, we look forward to more adventures on the East Coast and seeing what is in store for us once your Dad’s PA residency ends in September. We are also focusing on keeping you healthy—for now, this is the final year in which we have to be uber-careful to not let you get sick. This just means that we’re hand-washing, hand sanitizer-spraying helicopter parents who don’t let anyone touch you until that person has cleaned up.  We don’t mind. : ) Your Dad and I also pray for you to come to a loving relationship with our Creator, one that empowers you to love with your heart, soul, and mind and to share that love with those you encounter.

Your smile, determination, assertiveness, affection, and zest for life bring joy to everyone around you, River. Happy First Birthday! We love you more than words can say.

FAQ About our move to CT

“Are you all settled in?”

Yes—we’re in school-provided housing. It’s an adorable, 70 year old house with a basement AND a semi-finished attic. I LOVE this little house.  It has tons of windows, so we get marvelous amounts of natural light, and my back yard is filled with my favorite flower—hydrangeas! I also have 3 gigantic trees in my backyard, and everytime there’s a breeze or it rains, the leaves makes the most delicious, soothing sounds…kind of like the ocean lapping at the beach.

And speaking of the ocean….we live 3 miles from Calf Pasture Beach, a tiny, rugged beach that overlooks several tiny islands and from which we can see Long Island on a very clear day. I have a Whole Foods and a Trader Joe’s within 3 miles of me, so life is good! I also have an amazingly well-stocked public library and access via internet and book ordering to any books in the state of CT.

River has her own room, as do we. The office is in the attic, so we don’t have to worry about River wreaking havoc on our electronics once she’s more mobile.

Another plus is that we live behind the hospital parking lot, so Anthony can just walk to work for most of the year, except for the few times when he has to commute to New Haven. This leaves me with the car for most of the year (Yay for mobility!)

We live 1 hr by train from The City, as they call NYC here. We’ve gone several times, but have yet to take in a Broadway show or to do anything that’s not super-touristy.

“What are you going to do when Anthony’s residency wraps up next year?”

We have no set ideas. We’re open to whatever opportunities may arise and are looking forward to seeing what our options are. We still have our CA property to go back to if need be, and if we really enjoy the East Coast, we may opt to spend some more time here.

“Is it a big adjustment? Are you homesick frequently?”

I really miss our church community, family, and friends, though it hasn’t hit me fully yet because we’ve been so occupied with getting the house fully settled, etc. It hasn’t really hit home that I can’t just call up my friends and see if they want to hang out….I’m not really looking forward to that! :-/

“How do you like the East Coast?”

I love it. We came at the tail end of summer and are now experiencing Fall…a true, New England Fall. It’s beautiful beyond words—the dramatic colors, crisp air, amazingly sharp changes in temperature. I’m so grateful to be able to experience the 4 seasons in all their glory (though I may not be saying that in January!) :)

“Will you be back for the holidays?”

Unfortunately, Anthony only gets a few days off for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Given the awful travel conditions, weather constraints, and long flight times, we’re opting to keep our holidays very low key and to stay local.

“What’s a typical day over there for you?”

Anthony works 12-24 hour shifts 5-6 days a week, plus he has to study and prep for his upcoming cases, tests, and certification classes. He works many, many hours. He occasionally has slower days that are only 9 hrs, and does get some weekends off, so we’re able to do something together once every 2-3 weeks.  River and I go out almost every day—we go on walks, go for drives, and explore the various thrift and children’s consignment stores in the area. I’ve found lots of great children’s books, some clothing, and several nice toys for her (exersaucer, high chair, blocks, bead maze, etc).

River is extremely social now—her faux-hawk gets a lot of attention in public, and she frequently smiles and waves at people who talk to her. She’s finally sturdy enough to sit in the shopping cart, so I have a nice, giant cart-cover that I put over the seat to ensure that she isn’t exposed to too many germs, and she rides along with me and tries to grab everything that we roll past.

This is all punctuated by River feedings, lots of bouncing and play time, reading books, bathing, diaper changes, snacks, solid-food experimentation, cooking attempts, singing, and lots of laundry.

 

The Evolution of a Nickname

It all started with Anthony calling River his “cutsie baby”. This lead to “Cutsie Patootsie” which was quickly shortened to “Patootsie,”  “Patoots,” “Tootsie.” and finally to “Toots.”  I currently vacillate between “Tootles” and “Toots”, while Anthony sticks with “Toots.” We even refer to the dates we’re lucky enough to have childcare for as “dates sans Toots”.

“Toots” works well for now. The sound is especially fitting for her current, upstanding faux-hawk hairstyle—I can’t wait to see what nickname comes next. :)

a life goal achieved

Before relocating to the East Coast with the wunderhusband and daughter, and in anticipation of a long, cabin-fever-inducing winter, I wrote up a list of culinary goals to achieve, in hopes of keeping myself productive and happily occupied during said winter.

Today, I achieved one of those goals: namely, be able to reliably produce an AMAZING peanut sauce that is as delicious as the Thai peanut dipping sauce we get with our summer rolls at our favorite Thai restaurant.

Discovering this recipe could not have been more unexpected. For one thing, I was browsing a 1977 edition of the Moosewood Cookbook that my mom picked up at a thrift store for $1 and gave to me. Secondly, the recipe is titled “Gado-Gado: an Indonesian dish with spicy peanut sauce”. It looked delicious, but never in a million years would I have thought that these ingredients would taste SO great in combination AND that they’d come so close to duplicating our favorite Thai peanut dipping sauce.

I looked for this recipe online (via a brief google search), and there seem to be some major variations on it in later editions of the Moosewood Cookbook. I couldn’t find this exact version on line, so here it is, reproduced verbatim for anyone who’s craving an AMAZING peanut sauce.

Gado-Gado

From the 1977 edition of the Moosewood Cookbook,

Approximately 1 hr, start to finish.  Makes 6-8 servings

The Sauce

• 1 cup chopped onion [I used a large red onion]
• 2 medium cloves crushed garlic
• 1 bay leaf
• 1-2 tsp freshly grated ginger
• 1 cup good, pure peanut butter
• 1 Tbs honey [I didn't have any and subbed maple syrup. I'm pretty sure that brown sugar would work too]
• 1/4 tsp cayenne pepper (more, to taste)
• juice of 1 lemon [I used bottled juice]
• 1 Tbs cider vinegar
• 3 cups water
  1/2-1 tsp salt
• dash of tamari [I used low sodium soy sauce]
• 2 Tbs butter for frying

Directions:

In a saucepan, cook the onions, garlic, bay leaf, and ginger in butter, lightly salted. When onion becomes translucent, add remaining ingredients. Mix thoroughly. Simmer on lowest possible heat 30 minutes, stirring occasionally. [Notes: I cheated and just roughly chopped my onion, garlic, and ginger instead of dicing and crushing. My onion pieces took a long time to become translucent, leading to my garlic and ginger becoming browned and toasty. This was not a bad thing.

Once it finished cooking, I removed the bay leaf and blended the sauce in my Vitamix for about 30 seconds so that everything became an even consistency with no large pieces of onion and ginger marring the texture. This REALLY helped even out the texture, and I'd highly recommend adding this step, even though it's not in the original recipe.

DON'T skimp on the simmering time. It allows the sauce to reduce down a bit and does something quite magical with all the flavors.

I also used freshly made-from-my-Vitamix peanut butter. I'd definitely recommend using an all-natural, peanuts-only, creamy peanut butter for this recipe.

If I were using this as a dipping sauce instead of pouring it over veggies, I'd add a bit of thickener like organic corn starch to make it more conducive to staying on the summer rolls]

Underneath the sauce:

The sauce goes over an artful arrangement of combined cooked and raw vegetables. Extra protein comes from garnishes of tofu chunks and hard-cooked egg slices. Base your arrangement on a bed of fresh spinach. Here are some recommended vegetables and garnishes:

Garnishes:

a drizzle of sesame oil, apples, lemons, oranges, raisins, toasted seeds & nuts

Vegetables

• (steamed or raw):

shredded cabbage, carrot slices, celery slices

• (steamed):

broccoli spears, whole green beands

Other:

fresh raw mung bean sprouts

tofu chunks, either raw or suateed in iol with sesame seeds

pieces of egg

[Notes: I served this sauce over the following, and it tasted outrageous. (I didn't serve it with summer rolls, b/c when I chose to make this recipe, I just thought it looked like a yummy sauce to put over veggies and tofu. Little did I know that it would taste so much like amazing, Thai summer roll dipping sauce!)

• organic, unpeeled, sweet potato cubes
  
• raw, organic tofu cubes
  
• raw, organic orange bell pepper
• Tomorrow, I'm going to try it over some rice noodles with the veggies and tofu on top. I think that shrimp or chicken would also taste amazing as alternative protein choices.]

Kyrie Eleison.

Lord Have Mercy. Christ Have Mercy. Lord Have Mercy.

It’s one of those days where the mixture of sublime beauty and profound tragedy that is life is weighted too much on the sadness end of the scale.

Yet through it all, there is still so much love.

My heart is heavy for Kirsten, James and baby Ewan and the suffering that they’re enduring. My heart is heavy for other dear friends suffering from stress, separation from loved ones, financial woes, and the ravaging effects of sickness and disease.

Yet, I can still feel the immense love present in the midst of all of this.

I remember when River was in the NICU and how the support, prayer and love that our friends, family, and church gave us was almost physically palpable. Every single day, people who loved us and people who cared about us helped carry us through the dark moments and onward. These people demonstrated compassion (co-suffering) in the truest sense of the word. They cried with us and kept praying, hoping, and just being present for us.

And that’s why I can cry out, not from a place of despair–though my heart breaks for these loved ones–but from a place of compassion: suffering with the ones I love because I love them. And knowing that somehow, the Creator of the Universe loves them more and more perfectly than I ever could. And so I cry out, Lord have mercy. Christ have mercy. Lord have mercy.

the adventure begins…

The Adventure Begins

Our adventure began on Monday afternoon, August 16 with a 2:20 PM flight to Seattle. We have an unfortunate amount of baggage, as we’re carrying things that we weren’t able to ship or check (e.g., both laptops, both cameras, etc)…not the maximum allowable, but a lot to carry. And even more unfortunately, we have a lot to carry on—all the electronics, plus River’s stuff, plus our guidebooks, etc. I think I’m too paranoid for my own good…but my thought was that our guidebooks are really important, and we have 4 of them…if they got lost, that would REALLY stink, so on to the carryon they go. Maybe I’ll learn to let go a bit more as we progress on our trip.

The flight went well, even with an extra deplaning thrown in. River actually fell asleep during the first takeoff and slept for an hour for the first leg. She was up for the ENTIRE second leg of the trip, even though she was still very tired. Overall, though, she cried for about 3 minutes (scattered) of the 3.5 hour flight. NOT bad! There was a kind passenger behind us who kept making faces at River and making her laugh (awesome!). Thankfully, River hasn’t yet had any ear issues with landing and taking off. Let’s hope that holds true for the next 4 takeoffs and landings. :)

We got SEA/TAC on time, then grabbed our luggage (it all survived, albeit my bag got inspected and complete repacked, which creeped me out, even though they fit everything in better than I originally had) and headed over to the Hertz counter to get our rental car. We ended up with a Subaru Forrester (it’s NICE!). Thank goodness for AAA—they got me a great rate with a $40 off coupon, plus 10% off….the taxes in Seattle, though, end up being 42%(!!). I’m assuming it’s one of their ways of compensating for lack of state income tax.

We called our host, Reggie Taylor, a longtime friend of Anthony’s, and arranged to pick him up and head to dinner at Ivar’s Fish Market, on the pier. It was happy hour with tons of appetizers and “bites” half price, and we had a seafood FEAST—juicy, tender fish & chips, a crab quesadilla that had so much crab that you could actually taste it (rare), shrimp spring rolls, oyster shooters (for Anthony only!), and steamed clams (another Anthony-only dish), topped off with house-made vanilla-bean crème brulee (we split one between the 3 of us and it was the perfect end to a savory meal).  That crème brulee was among the top 2 best I’ve ever had.

Since Anthony and Reggie had lots to catch up on, and since River was thrown off and antsy, I kept her in the Ergo carrier for dinner, ate standing (it was nice to stretch my legs after the long flight), and we went for several short jaunts during dinner, exploring the pier, tasting a free fudge sample at Ye Olde Curiousity Shoppe (super hokey, but cute), and looking at the gorgeous ocean view.  We’d look around, then wander back to the table and I’d have some food, then we’d do it all over again. It was actually nice b/c it forced me to pace myself while eating, and I ended up eating the perfect amount of food rather than stuffing myself if I’d been sitting at the table eating at my normal, way-too-fast pace.  Next, we’re driving to Vancouver. : )

vintage baby and unconditional love…

Much to my delight, River finally fits into the gorgeous, vintage pieces that my mom and I thrifted for her on our many fun shopping outings while I was pregnant.

Although I used to describe my desired style for her clothes as “ridiculously girly” meaning “over-the-top-frilly-and decorated,” like this: I’ve noticed that now that she’s actually *here,* and as I’ve gotten to know her, I’ve somewhat toned down her style of clothes.

In fact, I’m now an even bigger fan of vintage baby clothes. The subdued, softened beauty of these aged pieces highlights how incredibly new and beautiful she is.

I love the understated femininity of the vintage pieces–muted pinks, bits of soft lace, pastel embroidery done by hand, the silky texture that old cotton, washed to the point of transparency, takes on…They all highlight her glowing, bursting-at-the-seams vitality and curiosity.

Putting tons of accessories on her at this point feels like dipping a perfect, pink rose in gold….Sure, gold is gorgeous and pink roses are gorgeous, but combining them does nothing to actually make either more beautiful. Letting them shine on their own does a lot more to highlight their good qualities.

Maybe this is what unconditional love is teaching me: When I look at River, I see spectacular, jaw-dropping, gorgeous-sunrise-and perfect-pink-rose-loveliness…her courageous soul and assertiveness, her desire to learn, her capacity for love, her zest for life, her complete honesty and abandon and vulnerability…they’re already so evident in her eyes, gestures, and vocalizations. I can’t imagine a more beautiful version of 8-months-and-10-days-old-Riverbug. And the dimpled knees don’t hurt either. :)

I hope I can look at more people like this–see through the outward clutter to their capacities for good and to what makes them beautiful. (It seems so much harder with baggage-laden, warts-and-all-grownups, doesn’t it?)

I hope that I can clear away my own outward clutter, approaching life with complete vulnerability and honesty in my imperfect-but-hopefully-growing-better state.

It’s not like these realizations are anything new…”the truth will set you free,” “perfect love casts out fear…” These truths just take on new meaning in this phase of life. :)

a matter of perspective

Caring for a baby 24/7 has made me realize how many bizarre, mildly self-abusive things I was in the habit of doing on a daily basis.

Examples: lip-plumping gloss (contains a peppermint irritant to temporarily plump up lips). I don’t want this to hurt her skin if I kiss her, so I don’t use it. And when I think about it, WHY was *I* deliberately irritating the delicate skin on my lips, anyway?

Another example: Artificial Sweeteners. I’ve always known that these are simply not healthy—it’s strange to put an artificial substance in one’s body that contains no nutritional value and whose long term effects are widely unknown or negative…all for the sake of convenience. I would NEVER feed River an artificial sweetener. The idea is absurd. Which begs the question, why in the world was I OK with putting such junk into my own body?

It’s amazing how asking the question: “Would I give this to my baby?” changes how I view what I use on and for myself….